After the trial of our faith

This last month or so has been very special to me. I don't know exactly why Heavenly Father has blessed me so much, but several areas where I have felt particularly weak have been noticeably strengthened and I have felt progress and insight in areas I have been working on and praying on for years.

This morning, I felt I should share this journal entry from last week. The day before this had been challenging and very discouraging, but I had pushed myself to see and note my blessings, then came the next day:

"God shows himself in our lives after the trial of our faith, because He can do no miracle where there is no faith.

I am so grateful for clarity and wisdom that has never failed to come through trial, faith, studying the word of God, prayer, worship, pondering, and service. Today it was reading the account of the Savior coming to his disciples over the stormy sea. They were struggling, He was willing to be with them and help them, but He also did not force himself on them. They were afraid and He knew it. He comforted them. Paul exerted himself to walk where Christ walked-showing a willingness to have faith, but also showing doubt perhaps in requesting a miracle, and at the least, showing impulsivity...or maybe a real desire...any way, he does fine until he perceives the waves.

Here I was struck.

I have been focusing on the fears around me.

I have not been focused on the Savior's power to save. Physically as well as spiritually.

My Savior became lost to my view as I pondered more on the waves than on Him.

And I started to sink.

But I also did not forget to call out. And I 'immediately' felt him reach for me.

I am still tired. But I am lighter. I am still hurting, but I literally can't feel the pain when I am feeling the spirit. I am working on physical concerns, but they are not currently overwhelming.

I have started again to ask God to direct me in my day, but I'm balancing that more with making my own plans, deliberating and using my agency to discern a course."

I know there is hope, happiness, and the possibility for further progression ahead when we continue to choose faith - when we focus on our Savior and reach out to him in our storms.

John 5:39
"Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me."

http://lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/5.39?lang=eng