Snapshot

Hubby and I have a long-standing agreement that he is in charge of making sure that garbage gets out of the house and then to the curb on the appointed day. This has been sometimes disputed territory, and, so to avoid further debates, I have simply sworn off taking it out whether it sits there a month. This is not an angry thing, simply an acknowledgement that I have many items on my morning and other to-do lists and unless it is on my list, I simply can not accomodate it.

So, this morning, I go out for my walk and decide that I will take the cans to the curb just this once in appreciation for all sweetheart has been doing lately for us, all the while thinking of how his face will shine with appreciation on his return.

At 7:53am he rushes in the door like a whirlwind. Seminary has apparently gone late and he is in danger of being late for work. A not completely uncommon occurance. He heads for the bedroom to get changed. No shine. No appreciation. *sigh*

He throws lunch in a bag and I find a way to  *humbly - ahem* sneak in the fact that I have laboriously sacrificed my morning by taking out the trash for him.

Nothing.

He rushes out the door with a kiss and a "love you babe" and me calling out "Don't forget your prayer!!" - also not uncommon to our morning routine.

I go to take my shower, raincloud over my head and feeling put out.

Then I remember a little lesson I learned only recently. Turn to God for your approval. I, truly meekly now, say a little prayer asking God if he is pleased with my attempt at doing service for my sweetheart. I am surprised, although I don't know why - it has happened every time I have done this, to feel a warm assurance of love and ... appreciation!! There it is! The validation I needed. It is always there whenever I have done my best and ask for His approval.

God is not stingy in his love, guidance, or approval.

It's the little things

I stole the title of this post from a friend's blog. I love the thought behind it. Today was definitely a day where the little things made it all worthwhile.

*A one year old folding her arms for the first time for family prayer.
*Same one year old learning to kiss and screech at the top of her lungs with laughter. - Yeah, gotta tone that one down eventually...
*Seeing siblings laugh together and be respectful to each other - sometimes these moments are not as frequent as I'd like, but I love seeing it when it does happen.
*Lemon for your fish.
*A song that makes you smile.
*A friend who makes you re-evaluate a mindset.
*A prayer answered.

It really is the little things! (A thanks and hug to Lindsay, who we will miss carpooling with very much.)

We Seek After These Things

I looked up the definitions of "virtuous, lovely, good report, praiseworthy" tonight. How often I let these things pass me by. Far from 'seeking them out', I seem to miss them entirely unless I make the effort to watch for, or in retrospect, look for them.

My oldest son recently was feeling pretty down - if I remember right, we didn't let him play video games, downright cruelty as far as he's concerned ... Anyway, he listed his problems for me as I tucked him in and I acknowledged his difficulties, then, I asked him to find 5 good things or blessings for every one thing he felt was wrong. It took a little while, but by the time he went to sleep, he was smiling.

I know a lady who smiled at me today and said that yes, her husband might lose his job, but she knew God would take care of them. I believe she counts the blessings in her life. Hope and gratitude seem so deeply tied.

How often do I count my difficulties and forget entirely to count my blessings - or at least only look for them peripherally - enough to see that they couldn't possibly overwhelm the sad state of my life. But, a man once said "We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings" (Jeffery R. Holland) and another man explained why. He said, "The expectation that more is deserved can cause our plate of plenty to appear empty." (Gordon T. Watts) For their special witness and addresses, click on the links.

So, a couple of blessings:
*The dryer was empty when I remembered at bedtime that I had started a load of wash this morning.
*Primary songs - catchy tunes that teach my kids the important lessons of life - like honesty, courage, and faith. (tonight's favorite? "Nephi's Courage")
*A car that runs - (ahem, despite my best efforts, ie. denying it that oil change that I keep swearing I'm going to work into my schedule!)
*Rotisserie chickens from Smiths. We don't do it often, but an easy dinner here and there is a blessing. Not to mention the blessing of being able to survive occasional dips into the food budget - something we couldn't do as 'poor college kids'.
*Wedding ring - I forgot to put it back on after making bread the other day and slept a whole night without it - drove me nuts. I was so glad to get it back on.
*Soft baby skin. I know it's hard for alot of people - alot of people I love actually, who aren't at a point yet where they have been able to have children, but I think God must know I'm not as strong of a person as they are. My whole drive some days is encompassed in those chubby little bodies.
*And of course, talking parenting reminds me of my gratitude for my Savior, who takes my best efforts and amplifies and refines them to be a benefit to my family. This constant purging and renewing influence allows me to open my eyes each morning to another day, abandoning the regrets of the past and preparing me to make all new mistakes - but make them with the best of intentions and, hopefully, some progress.

Yeah, not quite 5 to 1 yet, but I'll keep working on it. By the time my head hits my pillow, I bet I'll be sleeping as sweetly as my six year old.

Good night world - as someone once said (my husband's laughing right now, I'm sure - have I mentioned that I have a memory like a sieve?) it's not so much a matter of how far you've moved, as it is of making sure you're facing the right direction. So, here's to trying again tomorrow. Sleep well.

Kitchen blessing

I have been married for over 10 years now and am just now finding the joy (and actually attaining success) in managing my home. I never knew before, first, how much work it is to actually keep a home in good order day to day, and second, that it is actually possible. Any child who is reared in such a home and learns the habits of work and care for one's own living area has a wonderful blessing.

Current schedule? Sure, here it is:

7a-make kids a whole-foods breakfast while they get themselves ready and lunches made (again, as healthy as I can get - still learning about healthy eating) and Ryan does Rebecca's AM treatment.
7:30a-Breakfast, then last minute clean-up/getting out the door.
9a-Start cleaning. Everyday things like dishes and laundry first, then checking over/cleaning surfaces and floors with my four year old working right there beside me.
11a-Work on my inbox. (To Do lists/calendar items, etc...)
12p-Make lunch
1p-Put my 1 year old and 4 year old down for 'nap' and 'quiet time' respectively. Depending on if I slept, take a nap. Getting sufficient sleep is an absolute necessity with fibromyalgia. Additional 'to-do' items.
3p-Pick up the kids and start the evening schedule (which varies day to day and is still needing some tweaking.)

Other things like exercise, also a must with fibro, homework, yard work, scripture study, prayer, time to fulfill callings, etc. are also getting worked in, but aren't set in stone yet - well, prayer is, it's as soon as I get up. Scripture reading too - but not scripture study - which I consider very different. Dr.'s appointments - which we have a lot of lately with all four kids having CF, and one so far having ADHD and going through further testing for some other things, and grocery shopping/other shopping are morning items that will have to move daily cleaning to the next day. I am learning that I just can't do it all, or at least do it all 'today' - and that's okay.

Now, today I read the following, and in conjunction with some of the lessons I am learning right now, I was extremely touched by it. It was part of a post found here by Sharon Kaufman, a fellow blogger and follower of Christ. Like so many I appreciate and learn from, she is not 'of my faith', but our faith shares the same focus. The context of the original post is fantastic and ends with this thought: "Nourishing others with physical food from our kitchens opens to us the opportunity to nourish them spiritually as well. And that, my dear sisters, is what our kitchens are all about."

A kitchen blessing:

Feeding Others

Bless my little kitchen, Lord;
I love its every nook.
And bless me as I do my work,
Wash pots and pans and cook.

May the meals that I prepare
Be seasoned from above
With Your blessing and Your grace,
But most of all Your love.

As we partake of earthly food
The table You have spread,
We'll not forget to thank You, Lord,
For all our daily bread.

Please bless my little kitchen, Lord
And those who enter here;
May they find Your joy and peace,
Through Christ the Savior dear

For what I offer on each plate
Can only gratify
The temporary need one has -
T'will never satisfy.

But Jesus is the Bread of Life;
It is the soul He feeds.
He gives to every hungering heart
Himself, to meet the need.

In a day when women everywhere are pressured to find fulfillment outside of the home, the emphasis on the importance of the work in the home is refreshing and so worthwhile!

Thoughts on tonight

It is finally summer.

I'm not crazy about the full sun or the high temperatures, but I love the warm evenings. Summer nights in Vegas are about the best thing ever. It makes one want to grill, jump on a trampoline, or just sit out on a porch, listening to the chirps of crickets and buzz of cicadas. Granted, where I grew up and first learned to love summer nights was a great deal quieter than where I live now and you are as likely to hear a jet rumble overhead as the last evening calls of the birds. Nonetheless, it is a wonderful, peaceful time.

I love to lay on a dusty-smelling trampoline and look up at the stars - surprisingly abundant if you can just turn off the outside house lights. Even better - and something I always wait with baited breath for, is the certainty of summer showers. There is nothing more invigorating to me than the smell of humidity in the desert and the electric feel of the air. You can sense the movement of the heavens, and it's power both overwhelms and inspires.

Las Vegas has always been my home and I hope that never changes. There are subtle beauties here that I have never seen replicated anywhere else. The sturdy presence of the mountains next to the expansive harsh terrain, and yet somehow, growth and life exist and are sheltered. It is witness, for me, of the hand of God, of His power to create. As Hobbes, from "Calvin and Hobbes" once so appropriately said "It kind of makes you wonder why man considers himself such a big screaming deal."

A few thoughts

Life changes are exciting once you embrace them and allow creativity.

*I can see Rebecca's treatment times turning out to be my favorite times of the day. She can't go far because of, first, the nebulizer, then the percussion vest, but I can think of a few fun things to keep her entertained while having to sit still - blocks, counters, coloring, books (of course), banging on pots and pans with spoons, singing ...

*I am playing with cooking and baking more than ever trying to find whole-food alternatives that our family really enjoys. Hunting for things like "lecthin granules" and "powdered ascorbic acid" in the stores is fun in an almost "scavenger-hunt" sort of way.

My focus in these life changes are two things I feel I learned in our most recent General Conference: (Where the current head of our church, our prophet, speaks along with his counselors and other church leaders, on topics relevant to our times and circumstances.)

1. Kindness is a sign of greatness. I need to be kind - starting with my family.
2. Service. I need to serve - beginning in my home.

I know that as I do these two things in my home, all of my other responsibilities will have a greater chance of being accomplished in the way God wants them to be.

Life Changes

By this, I mean that life changes ... and also that I've been experiencing some life-changes. I am amazed at how much I think I know, only to find out later that I really knew so little.

"The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth." D&C 93:36

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior." Elder Boyd K. Packer in Oct. 1986 General Conference. (Not available yet on lds.org)

But, I don't have alot of time to put my thoughts in paragraph form, so I just want to jot down a list of the things that are on the top of my mind - with a record of my gratitude for the intelligence that is gained by seeing every experience through an eye of faith. I feel elevated. Almost giddy with a perspective that is miles higher than my own. My heart begins to race and I am tempted to give in to the stress of living and then I remember that a power greater than my own has forseen and prepared the way for me. My troubles truly seem to shrink and pile at my feet as pebbles, an apt metaphor made by, I believe it was President James E. Faust.

*My house is a disaster - but it's okay because I am finally prioritizing so that my family comes first. And, yes, I realize that keeping a house in order is also taking care of my family - but it falls below other health needs that are currently pressing. I am also finding that by taking the little time I have with my kids to focus on them instead of the house, we usually end up doing some housework together anyway.

*We have changed our diet. Not that we were on a diet - unless there's a mac'n cheese and corn dog diet out there somewhere. Because of my daughter's difficulties and what looks like high marks for ADD and ADHD (other testing pending), I have been focused on changing the things we eat to try to cut out preservatives, other chemicals, and lessen our sugar intake. I have been hoping that this change to 'whole-foods' would help in my daughter's academics as well as behavior and social difficulties. My husband is not a fan of this style of health-food eating and I am so grateful for the preparation that occurred to make it so it was a change he could support. (beanland.wordpress.com, by the way, is a fantastic source for healthy eating info. and recipes.) I'm still working on making things that taste good, but with the support of my family, I know it's doable and will be so much better for all of us. An example of this support? One experimental dish was tasted by my very tactful 6 year old and then, when asked what he thought, he kindly replied "Well mom, you tried your best." My less-tactful 9 year old said, "Mom, don't worry, I'm sure it's the store's fault."

*We took 3 of my 4 kids to their Cystic Fibrosis clinic yesterday. I was excited for my 9 and 4 year old to be seen, as it was their first clinic and I was sure that they would take one look at them and send us on our way for 6 months. They are both tall for their age and very exuberant. It was difficult to come home instead with 5 prescriptions, 3 new routines, 4 lab slips, 2 specialist referrals and news that my oldest already has some lung damage - probably from surgery on a collapsed lung when she was about 3. They believe the damage is reversible, it's just not what I was expecting, certainly not what I was hoping. This is going to create a life-change for us. Up until now, the kids' CF, being very mild, has been hardly an intrusion on our life, now we are beginning treatments that are twice a day. I was grateful for the experience a month before when they had all been sick and for the first time in my life I found I was able to administer all medications to all children perfectly without having to keep a detailed written schedule. I know God gave me that experience to look back on to recognize that additional wisdom and order could be supplied to help me keep track of everything. As I left, another reminder of my blessings was presented at the door when, in reply to my frustrations at having the visit be less positive than I'd hoped, the clinic coordinator kindly said she understood, but then, looking very sad, reminded me that most of those she sees daily are those who are very very sick. I can't even imagine.

It's not going to be easy, but I have no complaints. It is a relief though, to acknowledge that for me, this is not going to be easy. But I can do hard things.

It doesn't lessen my hard things that I know others have things that are so much harder to deal with. It makes me grateful. It makes me prayerful. It makes me feel like serving. But to not acknowledge this difficulty exists would be to not acknowledge God's blessings through it.

We each have a tailor-made set of difficulties given to us. Oh that I may "[become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [me], even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19

And, of course, as I do, 2 Nephi 2:2 comes into play - "...thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."

"Preachy post"? Perhaps. I did, after all, cite what I believe is scripture. =) But it is preaching to no one but myself. I am weak and following and relying on God has blessed me beyond my own capabilities. It has blessed my family. It has given me hope and brought me from a dark, selfish place to a place of warmth and light and peace.

For me, it has been the answer to everything.

Worthwhiles part IV

Really needing to look at the positives today. So:

*I have a full box of baby diapers! For all the times that I have run short, this is really a sign of stability for me.

*There are baby toys all over the house, which means that I am blessed enough to have a baby in the house.

*There is a fabulous "Happy Birthday" balloon floating above me from my youngest's 1 year birthday party this last weekend. It is obscenely happy and determined to be just that. I would love to mimic it's blatantly optimistic style, but I am loathe to cover myself with anything that sports variously colored and sized polka dots.

*I have a husband who comes home to me every night. I am realizing again what a blessing this is. Marriages that are performed in temples with the understanding that they continue beyond this mortal life may not always be perfect, but they can not help but foster deeper, more devoted relationships.

*God's comfort. It is accessible to all of mankind, but an especially poignant blessing when a more constant presence in a person's life.

*Wipems. There has got to be about 110 uses for those things.

*Exercise. I have exercised two out of the last three days. I have had energy two out of the last three days. I'll let you guess which days go with which.

*Experience. Is it a poem I once read? I am reminded of something I once heard somewhere about pain or experience carving out troughs in our hearts to increase our capacity to love. Doesn't sound as poetic as I remember it being, but the thought is essentially as I remember it. When another's pains carve into your heart it seems to do the same thing, I am finding.

And now, scriptures and goodnight. Sleep well and soundly world. May you be comforted.

Four lessons

I have learned four things the last two days. In my mother's and grandmother's estimations, that means that I can go to bed, as it only required one thing per day to earn that distinction as far as I ever heard them talk.

*I went to the store the other day and bought bananas. Apparently my one year old was hungry enough and the peel itself was not an obstacle too great to prevent her from trying to chew through to the banana while we were trying to check out. Needless to say, we ate bananas in the car on the way home.

Where did the garbage go? In the grocery sack I have hung between the two front seats of course.

Later that day I have people in my car and I realize that the banana peels are still there. I assure them that they are a new addition to the car and in embarrassment, promise myself that I will take the garbage out at the earliest opportunity.

Two days later. I get in the car and smell the faint smell of bananas. Hmm, nice air freshener. I think to myself,  I don't think Ryan would have gone and bought a banana air freshener for my car. . . Takes me a moment to realize that I STILL have rotting banana peels in my car. *sigh*

Lesson? Banana peels can make a good car air freshener, but not recommended for more than two days.

*Next. My oldest just had surgery to get tubes in her ears and had an adnoidectomy. The surgery itself goes well, but she does not come out of it too well. It turns into a very long day. Physically exhausted and mentally drained, I sit down to read and to attempt to get lost in a book. I still feel dissatisfied. When my husband gets home I find myself, in tears, telling him how I feel I need to get away from the stress of the house.

As I am saying this I find the idea of having to leave my home to find peace disturbing. I then realize that what I really want is for my home to be my haven. Something clicks and I suddenly feel a desire to do dishes. In working on the dishes I feel satisfied. At last. I am still as tired, but I feel joy in improving my surroundings and serving my family.

I have desired to feel this way for so long, I don't know why my prayer was answered that evening, but I do know that I have more focus to make my home the 'getaway' for myself and all who enter. The work seems lighter and gives me a satisfaction that running away only to return to the same messes would never give. I have a feeling it is one of those lessons I will have to learn more than once, but I am so grateful. Maybe I'll be able to sing "Love At Home" with a little less resentment now. (Yeah, it's never been my favorite song ... in fact, I even went so far as to make up alternate words to it, something about 'There is crying all around when there's dirty diapers at home ...')

*Third, this one is pretty simple. It's one I've heard before and it's sinking deeper into my understanding. When I yell - which I have been known to do now and then ... maybe more, I am simply throwing my own adult-sized tantrum. It is immaturity. It is me getting so frustrated that what I really want to do is throw myself on the floor and pound my hands and feet against it, mad at the world that things aren't fair. It is me being tired and needing a nap, or maybe a time-out.

For all the excuses there are out there for yelling (some of which are still acceptable as far as I'm concerned "Don't go in that street young man!" being an example.) I'd say most of them fall into this category of, as we call it at our house, "throwing a fit".

Now, along with this, I have learned a joint lesson in it, which makes me grateful. God didn't just look at me and say, realize you're throwing a tantrum and stop. He walked me through why I have had such difficulty in raising my small children. Why I have felt that things have been so unfair - although I didn't realize that is what I was feeling at the time.

I found that my discontent seems to have grown from the following: I have always thought that you could only feel the spirit and listen to it's promptings when things were quiet and reverent. In fact, it is A way to feel the spirit, and maybe the best, but I got so discouraged with the constant chaos that small children bring, that I had finally fallen into hopelessness of ever having a quiet, reverent house and maybe not feeling the spirit again until all the children had moved out. The fact is, scripturally, direction has been given and the spirit felt when the individual sought God and was peaceful enough to hear the response, not necessarily when all around them was calm and at peace. I think of times of war and times of dissension when, surely, leaders have needed the guidance of the spirit. In fact, it is very rare that we can completely control our outward environment, and sometimes we can not leave to find a more peaceful setting. I have learned that if within myself I can be at peace, then I can feel the spirit - and more inspiring to me still, that I don't have to be perfect to be able to hear it's sweet call.

*Last, and a much needed relief - our dishwasher has been leaving our dishes dirty. Switching mind-frames in the middle of other things going on, to now needing to hand-wash dishes didn't go so well and the dishes started to pile up. A wonderful friend came over and casually made the comment, run vinegar through it!

I did.

It washes dishes again and now I make it a point to put vinegar in as a rinse aid for every load.

Little blessings, constant learning, and most of all, faith in my Savior now and in his love, and hope for eternal happiness. These constitute some of the best things in my life right now. Still so much to learn and so much growing to do. No wonder we are told to judge on intention, rather than actions. I hope I can be judged with such mercy. Heaven knows I need it.

Finding something positive

Life goes on.

Positives for today:

*Cleaned house!
*Got to hang and talk music with the Jen-meister.
*Had lunch with some ladies whom I admire. (And had some killer home-made french bread - yay for new recipes!)
*Beautiful sunset.

Sad that some things that I can not control are not going well, but trying to lay that aside and just count blessings. There is a power in positive thinking. Our perspective truly is our reality.

Today's Worthwhiles

Just a list of today's worthwhiles:

*Scriptures - I'm slowing down on my reading and need to ramp it up again.
*sleep - actually, didn't get much last night - boy up with an earache, but what I got I was so grateful for today. Funny thing, before I went to bed last night I set my alarm for 5:30a. I've been slowly feeling like I am getting my feet back under me, so I thought I'd take a stab at my 'used-to-be-normal' early wake-up time. Being in that mindset made getting up three times during the night much easier to handle. I was actually really amazed that I didn't feel at all upset or groggy as I wandered around the darkened house fetching warm-packs, tylenol, drinks, and thermometers.
*the testimony of Rachel Barkey, who, even though she passed away from cancer in 2009 was able to remind me that the most important thing is my relationship with my Savior and to live my life 'serving with joy'.
*A wonderful, patient husband. As I'm typing this I hear him at the table working with our daughter on school concepts. I know that he realizes that he needs to get up at 4:30a to teach, but there he is still, so focused on helping our daughter to understand.
*Wind. Representation of the presence of God.

Something in the sink ... smells

I am in a mood to be really honest. This usually happens when I'm really tired or sick. The funny thing is, when I'm sick or tired enough to have no fear of complete disclosure, it usually means that my perspective on reality is skewed - so what I disclose to you might not actually be accurate. What is even funnier, is that I am usually pretty honest anyway and only seem to think that I am not completely forthcoming when I am sick or tired.

Having said that. There are so many that are really really sick right now. I am not one of them. I am just sick. In fact, even though I can tell I am sick, I'm actually doing alright. BUT, something in  my sink smells. I mean, like I thought Rebecca was poopy kind of smell. I think I'm going to have to make that my one thing for the day. Oh, my poor house and kids. Someday we'll all be feeling better again. There will be plenty of time to worry about dishes and laundry.

Now, a moment for worthwhiles.

*scriptures - reading in Nephi, after he had seen the vision of the tree of life, he rested before he dealt with his brothers contention and taught them. It's okay to rest when needed.
*prayer - feeling God accepts your offering of time and energy in the service of others is the best kind of validation. Especially when one is feeling under the weather.
*The Holy Ghost - Knowing that if something is really important, it will be brought to your mind, when living in a way to feel the promptings of the spirit, is such a relief to someone who, like me, struggles to remember things. Of course, I have to do my part to not overbook and also keep track of things myself.
*Eliza R. Snow. R stands for Roxey, if you didn't know. I didn't, but have enjoyed finding out more about this wonderful woman.
*A plethera of paper products. I love paper towels, toilet paper, kleenex, just about anything I can clean with and then throw away. Not to say that a good dish towel isn't absolutely necessary.

Praying we can all get over these colds and flus - that we can all learn the humility, or gain the blessings of service, or whatever the reasons for them, so we can all get back on our feet and go forward, seeking to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27)!

Worthwhiles part III

My list of worthwhiles for the day:

*Early morning walks, increased heart-rates, and weight-loss. (k, maybe only in ounces, but I'm counting it anyway. - Now if I can just keep away from Ryan's seminary candy.)

*Pea plants.

*Jeffery R. Holland.

*Neal A. Maxwell.

*radio.lds.org

*yldsr.com

*top ramen - not nutritionally worthwhile, but convenience worthwhile. ;)

*increased strength and energy

*increased capacity to listen to my children

Spinning to infinity

The most worthwhile thing for today - which is saying something, because it's been a pretty gosh darn great day - was spinning around and around and around in circles with a chubby 10-month old. Seeing the Christmas tree lights (yes, we still have our tree up) blur and hearing Rebecca's squeals of enjoyment and little giggles as she tilted her head back, fully giving in to the joy of the moment. (Oh yes, and we were even spinning on newly-mopped floors! Score!)

Two experiences

So, a couple of worthwhile experiences from the last few days.

First one - self-analysis on parenting. My sweet, wonderful daughter is still struggling mightily in school. After another email from the teacher, I spent the day wondering what I could do to help my daughter in both academics and behavior. I went through a cycle of self-blame, remembering every mistake I had made throughout her life, all the times I was less-patient than I felt I should have been. I researched internet articles on parenting. (admittedly all from lds.org, whose parenting advice I trust more than anyone's) I even found out about new parenting and marriage classes offered through my church and considered signing up. (And then found out that although I could get the manuals, the classes aren't actually offered in my area right now.) Lots of tears and humility were experienced in this search for 'the answer'. The one thing that would turn everything around for my daughter.

After all of the anguish, I was forced to admit that although it had been far from perfect, I had done my best and would continue to do so. I was left with a couple ideas of things that I could do better on - namely spending more one on one time - less multi-tasking, and second, monthly 'interviews' that surprisingly, I found were appropriate for a mother to do as well as a father, which had been my understanding before. I also felt deeply that perhaps one of the most beneficial things that would come from, what I felt was, a family crisis would be the example that although really difficult times would come, my husband and I would both still be there for our kids when the crisis passed. Although I think that the way you pass through difficulties is character-building, when you show your humanity by not handling difficulties as gracefully as you'd hope, the foundational lesson of permanence is hopefully still there. Wow, I feel like I just wrote a tongue-twister, oh well, hopefully it came through okay.

Second experience. Finally walked again this morning - solves so many physical ills!!! (That and water) And on my walk, passed an odd sight. A man out in his front yard piling smaller stones around one larger upright stone. Oh, a memorial, I thought, and continued to walk. Felt a prompting to go back. Seriously? I thought. "Seriously", I felt. Ok, so I go back, picking up a small stone on my way to add to the pile. He thanks me with a generous smile and I feel that it was the right thing to do. I ask him, trying to be sensitive, "Can I ask?", pointing to the pile. "Of course", he responds. "Animal?" I ask sensitively. He looks surprised. Apparently he was just trying to make something artistic in his yard - felt it was a bit messy with all the rocks strewn about.

*sigh*

However, we have a good laugh and he offers his name. I shake his hand and give him mine in return. As I resume walking, I wonder what the point was and am answered calmly that the only point might have been to show one person that there was another person in the world who cared.

I guess that is pretty worthwhile.

On flooded kitchens

Okay, I'll admit that it had been awhile since I had mopped. But I was getting to it, really.

It was a dark stormy night, and the dishes were stacked precariously high in the stainless steel sink. Something had to be done ...

I opened the dishwasher and put some pressure on it's occupants. They didn't last long.

I looked at the sink again, you could tell they were dirty. They had to go.

Filling the dishwasher to capacity, I smiled a smug smile. They'd get 20 to 30 minutes for sure.

But there was still one that had to be dealt with ... the boss ... the Roasting Pan. This one'd seen it all and was tough. Darn tough.

He needed a good soak, but wasn't on the level.

There was a snitch! A leak! I found myself in a river and no paddle in sight.

Nothin' to do but mop up this case. The roaster's still down and dirty, he might just end up in the can.


However, my floor is sparkling clean.

I also now know how to make tortilla bowls. FANTASTIC for our 'taco night'.
*Drape tortilla over a mason jar, press sides down.
*Spray with cooking spray (ie. canola oil)
*Bake in a med. oven (usually 350) for 10-15 minutes or until toasted and keeps it's shape.

*Smiles!*

Week in review

Monday - My daughter gave one of her first solo Family Home Evening lessons. She planned the lesson and gave assignments for scripture, prayers, song, and treat. The lesson topic she chose was preparing to go on a mission. It was a commendable effort, but next time I think she'll read the scriptures she has chosen before she asks others to read them mid-lesson. I had great difficulty not showing my amusement when my husband was given the assignment to read 1 Nephi 22:13. But the lesson did afford some really good discussion.

Tuesday - Had a very early morning/late Monday night picking up a good friend's son from the airport. Just FYI - if traffic is bad getting to the airport, try around 1am, it is much better then. 

Wednesday - Not a fun day. We had Rebecca's first, and Joseph's second Cystic Fibrosis clinic. I need to keep remembering that we are very very blessed that they are so healthy. We get to find out in a couple of weeks that our two other children do not have CF (hopefully). I am so grateful that my sister was able to take my 4 year old so he didn't have to sit through a 4 hour appointment. I am also grateful that Joseph's lung test actually came out better this year than last. Now, if we wouldn't have had to go and get their blood drawn for their annual labs, the day might not have been so hard - but the technician had great difficulty in drawing Rebecca's blood. Pediatric phlebotomist is definitely NOT on my wish list of occupations. Ever. 4 pokes, two arms, and one blown vein later, all but two of the vials they needed were finally filled and the tech. called it quits. Rebecca recovered pretty quickly, her mommy, not so much.

Thursday - Sang with our church choir again after a couple weeks break. It was amazing. I can't wait until my sister can rejoin the choir and we can share the experience again.

Friday - ah, today. What can I say about today, but that I feel blessed that we have been kept safe and healthy through another week. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the prayers that have been answered. This week I have learned that I need to allow that Joseph and Rebecca having Cystic Fibrosis is a reality that I can not wish away. I need to accept it for what it is and what it means for our family, be grateful that it is not what so many others with this disease have to deal with, and then move on and keep my emotions in check. It does no good to get emotional. My kids need me to show them through my example that this is no big deal, or at least, that with God, it doesn't have to be. 

When the technician asked me what the kids were getting blood drawn for and I told her CF, she looked me in the eye and told me God gave strong parents to these kids. I hope she's right.

Worthwhiles part II

Became reaquainted with Spellingcity.com yesterday. Absolutely the best free online customizable spelling site for kids. Just type in the spelling words and they can choose 'teach me', 'test me', or 'play a game' mode. The games are great and easy to play and the test me mode is a dream when you have three other children demanding your attention. We'll see what grade comes up on today's spelling test, but I'm sure using this site last night will have an impact. I don't remember who originally suggested it, although I have an inkling, but sending out a big thanks for this one!

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books. I don't know how long it's been since I've enjoyed a book so much. I picked them up at my in-laws house because I thought I recognized the titles from when I was a young reader, but, opening the books, they seemed completely new. Maybe it's because I was reading them from the view of the parents rather than the children. These are fabulously funny and down to earth books about many childhood illnesses and their logical, albeit not always practical cures, such as:

• The Won't-Pick-Up-Toys Cure
• The Answer-Backer Cure
• The Selfishness Cure
• The Radish Cure (for not taking baths)
• The Never-Want-To-Go-To-Bedders Cure
• The Slow-Eater-Tiny-Bite-Taker Cure
• The Fighter-Quarrelers Cure

I have only read books 1 and 3 in the series so far, but I would highly recommend them. I'll let you know how books 2 and 4 strike me.

Oh, and by the way, one of the items I was seeking the answer for the other day apparently only needed time to provide a good solution. I guess that's the way with alot of problems.

Seeking

A list of things I am seeking for a better solution for. Feel free to comment if you've found something that works for you or know of some hidden tip or trick.

*Teaching a very intelligent child who has great difficulty learning. My wonderful husband spent over an hour today re-teaching our wonderful 3rd grader, who we love very much but are a little exasperated with, the city that she lives in and the difference between city, state, country, and continent. Yes, we've had her tested with child find and no learning disability was found, but she still has major difficulty with basic definitions. (Before, after, etc...)

*Walking in the morning. It is my lifeline to not hurting, but it is too cold outside to do anymore. What are some of the best indoor workouts or should I just give in and buy some serious winter-wear?

*Dealing with another teacher who doesn't take the time to include us as parents even though we have made ourselves completely available. My child wastes an entire day not doing work because you can't find a way to  entice her to get to it and are afraid to make her accountable and I'm not even notified? Bursting into the school swearing doesn't seem like the best way to handle said situation. 

One thing I did learn a trick to that has NOTHING to do with the above (Let me emphasize nothing at all, and some could say it's on the superficial side of things. Of course, this blog isn't just about a spiritual journey...) - if you can't ever make your long hair stay un-tangled, try using shampoo just on the scalp, conditioner just on the length below the neck, and end with a cool rinse. Brush at night and don't wash every day. Found this little trick recently and wish I would have known about it during high school. Loved having long hair, hated that it was a pain in the tuckus.

Highlight to my day was, of course, scripture reading. Major focus is still seeking to have a better relationship with my Savior. This is what establishes my hope and my sanity. I'm so grateful for faith in a being so much more powerful than I, one that is merciful and loving. I'm grateful for faith in a perspective so far beyond my own that gives reason and order to a sometimes chaotic life. Emily Freeman said of hope: "There is a moment of epiphany after the soul has doubted all it knows, when it begins to reach out for solid answers and firm ground. This moment is defined by one emotion that sustains and creates a desire for change. Before faith or knowledge is found, before joy or happiness is experienced, before the healing begins, one emotion starts to stir from deep within the depths of despair. It is hope." (21 Days Closer to Christ) Hope is a definite worthwhile.

Touching on the grateful

Worthwhiles:

*The sun. Just the fact that the sun rises every morning and blesses the earth and it's occupants with radiant light and warmth is huge. This seems especially so when you are out walking at 6:15 and that beautiful sun hasn't come out from behind the clouds yet. When it did, it was positively Heavenly. 

*Cleaning. What a wonderful blessing that we can, with a little elbow grease and cleanser, wipe away all the smudges and black marks in, say, our kitchen - just to throw a wild example out there. Yes, that is what I cleaned today. Wouldn't it be terrible if we had to just live with all the fingerprints, fuzzies, muck, and grime that builds up from day to day? Wouldn't it be more awful if spiritually we had to live in a similar state? Ah, the wonderful feel of clean!

*Family: All family. Today, especially, the crazy family. The ones that drive you nuts at times, but the ones you stick with even if they're a little nutty. And you thank Heaven for them, because it gives you some assurance that they'll stick with you when you are also a little nutty.

Yep, definitely worthwhile.