Monday, December 13, 2010

Taking a moment

Taking a moment to breathe. What does Mr. Magorium say? "We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime." I didn't care for this movie until I had watched it a couple of times. I love the idea behind it now, but still have to muscle through Dustin Hoffman lisping.

An unusually full schedule lately has reminded me of the necessity of rest. I have always been a person who expected perfection of herself. My first memory of this that I can recall at the moment (I have a memory like a colander) is in elementary school when I received an A- instead of an A on an assignment and I had a breakdown. I mean, seriously?? I don't think I ever really lived up to my expectations of myself. That's a pretty depressing place to be. I used to overbook myself so much that I would carry a planner around with me, write down everything and plan down to 5 to 10 minutes at a time. Never taking into account that I needed time, just time, that wasn't structured. I continued in this mindset until I met and married a most wonderful and remarkable man. This man taught me to slow down. I fought it, to one extent or another, for years, but I think I am finally learning.

Example - I am blogging. This doesn't have any purpose other than exploring my own creativity and mind. I never would have been able to justify spending time in this way. Another example - I have stopped writing lists. This has been an interesting change - with some interesting consequences. I have allowed that I need to write down specific dates and times when I have appointments or things are due, but I am allowing the long to-do lists to disappear. I used to get so tired just looking at all the lists. Lists of projects for the house, lists of filing, dr.'s visits, church responsibilities, activities I didn't want to forget to do with the kids, extended family responsibilities, even a wish-list of all the good deeds I wanted to do for others if I only had the time. Just writing this makes my stomach tie in a knot. I'd go on, but I can't think about it any more without getting stressed.

Anyway, point is, I am now prioritizing. I acknowledge that I can't do everything. I also have faith that the most important things will still rise to the surface. And so far, they have. Oh, there's maybe a few things that I have dropped that I didn't mean to, but those have been good experiences as well, as I've been amazed over and over again that the world still spins when I'm not propelling it. 

Now, like a pendulum, when you make a big change like this, there is always a chance you'll swing a little too far the other way before you find your balance, but I think it's been worth it, and I think I'll find a balance that is better for me and for my family than ever before.

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