After the trial of our faith

This last month or so has been very special to me. I don't know exactly why Heavenly Father has blessed me so much, but several areas where I have felt particularly weak have been noticeably strengthened and I have felt progress and insight in areas I have been working on and praying on for years.

This morning, I felt I should share this journal entry from last week. The day before this had been challenging and very discouraging, but I had pushed myself to see and note my blessings, then came the next day:

"God shows himself in our lives after the trial of our faith, because He can do no miracle where there is no faith.

I am so grateful for clarity and wisdom that has never failed to come through trial, faith, studying the word of God, prayer, worship, pondering, and service. Today it was reading the account of the Savior coming to his disciples over the stormy sea. They were struggling, He was willing to be with them and help them, but He also did not force himself on them. They were afraid and He knew it. He comforted them. Paul exerted himself to walk where Christ walked-showing a willingness to have faith, but also showing doubt perhaps in requesting a miracle, and at the least, showing impulsivity...or maybe a real desire...any way, he does fine until he perceives the waves.

Here I was struck.

I have been focusing on the fears around me.

I have not been focused on the Savior's power to save. Physically as well as spiritually.

My Savior became lost to my view as I pondered more on the waves than on Him.

And I started to sink.

But I also did not forget to call out. And I 'immediately' felt him reach for me.

I am still tired. But I am lighter. I am still hurting, but I literally can't feel the pain when I am feeling the spirit. I am working on physical concerns, but they are not currently overwhelming.

I have started again to ask God to direct me in my day, but I'm balancing that more with making my own plans, deliberating and using my agency to discern a course."

I know there is hope, happiness, and the possibility for further progression ahead when we continue to choose faith - when we focus on our Savior and reach out to him in our storms.

John 5:39
"Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me."

http://lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/5.39?lang=eng

Perfection

Yesterday I thought I didn't have anything to write in my journal, but in an attempt to be obedient, I started writing anyway. By the second word I knew the thoughts I was writing were not my own original ideas, but I was grateful for the, for me, timely insights and felt I should share.

Here you go...

I am blessed. I am snuggling with my sweetheart in a calm quiet house on a Sunday morning, knowing that in just a little bit I get to go to church, take the sacrament and study the word of God! :)

Could life be any better?

The little anxieties of life, the little imperfections, can be ignored. It is me that needs to become perfect, not what surrounds me-at least not until I have improved enough to be able to live in a perfect world.

Rather than rail at life's imperfections, I need to work on my own in order to deserve the perfect eternity waiting for me...so, I need to work on patience, charity, brotherly kindness, service...

I want to learn to be the kind of person who would be comfortable in the perfect world I want. It doesn't work the other way around - "I'd be perfect if everything around me was perfect." We are who we are. If we act imperfectly in an imperfect world, it is because we are imperfect inside.

It is that friction that allows us to see, desire, ask, act, and finally change our character.

Once we are perfect inside, the outside situation will not affect our character.

Christ maintained his perfection in a world, not only imperfect in comforts and convenience, but blatant in it's injustice and cruelty, specifically and maliciously aimed at him.

What provocation do I really have that justifies impatience, hatred, selfishness, pride, grudge-holding, or retaliation?

If I look to punish, I am looking for further punishment to Him who took ALL our stripes.

It has been paid for.

And as to inconvenience and disruption to my comfort-I need to change my perspective.

All are opportunities to hone Heavenly skills and fulfill the purpose of this life-to change - to overcome the natural man - to practice becoming like Jesus, who was patient and filled with love and had the power of the spirit in all of the circumstances of His life; who was wise and correct in speech, pure, honest, forgiving, and declared truth without fear.

I aspire to remember these insights and am grateful for them.

I pray I can remember to use my time wisely.

I am needing Heavenly help constantly. I am also alot more calm. I am learning-hopefully in time to protect my childen-about imperfection, worth, and patience.

God, the Holy Spirit and Ryan are my teachers and counselors.

I am so grateful.

"My God is an awesome God!" :)
(I taught the chorus of that song to Rebecca today...best thing ever.)

A little insight

I haven't 'blogged' in awhile but felt a need to share an experience tonight.

Today I was having a really hard time - you know, one of those 'I am failing' mommy moments. There was no particular cause I could see for it even. I just felt heavy, unable to think even. I felt paralyzed.

I was close to tears when I remembered - or was prompted, rather - to ask my kind Heavenly Father what He wanted me to learn from feeling this way.

I felt a little lighter as the silent prayer put the situation into perspective and I felt that maybe this was an exercise in faith and empathy.

In faith, because just the other day I had felt approval from God, not because I am perfect, but because I am trying. I had to exercise faith that that was how God felt about me, not the negative feelings that I was having at that moment. It was interesting to have both feelings so close together and feel the difference in where they must be coming from.

In empathy, because it reminded me that those feelings had been almost a constant companion for me during the sleepless-nights, tantrum days of raising small children. It reminded me that many of the women around me were still in those days and could use encouragement and prayers. It reminded me that the fruits of motherhood are truly 'slow-ripening', as one of my favorite Mormon authors has said.

Anyway, remember, you are doing better than you think. You are loved more than you know. Keep having faith that the small, seemingly inconsequential actions you persist in doing today are leading to beautiful fruit in the future.

With encouragement,

Kerri

Happy New Year!

Journal,

Last night, we brought in the New Year with Lord of the Rings and video games, poppers and pjs. Maybe next year we will focus on more kid-involved activities, although, all of the kids enjoyed watching/helping Ryan play "Twilight Princess" and watching (an edited version, via mom and the remote control) "Lord of the Rings". Joseph and Kristen have been quoting it.

Today has been much more involved with the kids. I've had the chance to play Mario Kart with each of them and then Ryan and I played catch with them in the cul de sac until the lights went on. We briefly went and watched football at the Dahls and Dad Dahl barbequed. I appreciate more after last week what it takes to host a family.

I had a hard time getting things together enough to even have the elders stop by for dinner last night. Today I didn't want to see anyone but Ryan and my kids. Ryan says he has been trying to get that thought across to me for about 13 years now. ;)

Wonderful feeling today as we added a picture of Christ to our new sticker chart wall. Felt prompted to have the kids make "Home Dojos" for themselves as the background for their stickers, then as they follow the master (Christ) they get stickers. I love having a way to reward them that has no down side, since all other systems are accountability-based.

That was fun, making those with the kids. :)

Tonight, looking through and picking the picture of Christ, "Go with me" and "He came for me" both were playing in my head and I was so happy.

I am learning to be honest and trusting with Christ.

I trust Ryan. This has been a huge step.

I got to tuck in the kids again tonight. Rebecca makes sure I don't miss a night. I'm still sure she watched from Heaven before she was born and decided on certain things she was not going to miss out on when she got here-and that was one of them. :D

"Are you going to check on me?" in a plaintive little voice always touches Ryan and I. It touches me that Ryan's response to her is always, "Of course she is. Mommy always checks on you, doesn't she?"

I am grateful. I am so grateful.

Goodnight.

Peek into my week

A journal entry from this last week with some of the worthwhile things I feel I am learning in my continuing walk with God. :) Chin up everyone! Keep plugging (and praying! and reading scriptures!...)

Journal,

Yesterday, Heavenly Father provided me insight about my current goals for my family's health.
1. Just because I was raised with sugary and salty food, doesn't mean that I have to carry on that tradition. But it explains why I gravitate towards those foods for myself and my family. 2. I don't have to make unhealthy foods to make sure the kids eat "enough". On the whole, we eat far more calories than we need, so if the kids only have 1/2-1 helping of something, or even only the required bite, as long as they drink, they can be just fine. (They'll be all the more willing to try something healthy at the next meal.)

At the same time as this shift occurred, I was also able to align my inner compass again and Charleston easily ran East and West, from California to New York, Valley View from North to South-Canada to Mexico.

I have heard that when the spirit is enlightening one area of your understanding, it sometimes also enlightens other areas, just by association, just like light illuminates everything it can touch-an entire room.

The kids went swimming with their cousins again last night. They had so much fun!

Kristen, Joseph, Benjamin and I watched "The Avengers" together yesterday. I can still be a good example to my kids without pretending perfection. They need to be protected still, but they also need to be trusted and have experience choosing for themselves.

Benjamin picked serving Grandma Esther as his item of service before we watched the movie-so all of the kids gathered flowers from the ice plants and took them to her with a hug. They obviously felt good about the experience. She came over and returned one of the baseball gloves and later came over and played audience for Kim's and my new arrangement of mom's pioneer song. :) It has such possibilities!

Rebecca is getting the brunt of my new outlooks as a parent. Her consequences are direct and natural, and sometimes seem harsh-but they are life lessons and are free from my confusing meddling that only prolong the lesson needing to be learned.

For instance, she continually took her blanket out of her bed-she was told that instead of washing it continually, which was the initial consequence, that it would be thrown away. Well, her last piece was "thrown away" the other day. (After it was thrown away, I rescued it and am going to incorporate it into a blanket I will make for her eventually, but for now she is without it, but has a better understanding of consequence.)

Another example is that she was told she can not go swimming if she has had a poop accident...makes sense, right? Well, she didn't use the bathroom yesterday and instead had an accident. She (lovingly, with gentle reminders about how it came about) did not go swimming with her cousins and siblings last night, but all she could talk about was how she was going to use the bathroom and go swimming next time.

With the other kids I would have been heartbroken, I would have tried to shield them from the consequences of their mistakes. I hope, and think I an doing Rebecca more of a service than I did them. (And they, I think have been protected by my best intentions, and can now benefit from a healthier approach.)

Anyway, I am still trying to let God into every experience and have constant communication with the spirit-and live worthy of it. I am repenting of pride and selfishness, sins of offense and omission...recognizing those weaknesses is a lot more efficient than trying to pretend they are not there...

Ryan's last full day was yesterday. :) Family time!

It's been awhile...

This has been a good recoup week.

It's kind of funny-I often only take the counsel to "have hope in better things to come" and, "ponder on the things of eternity" when I feel my life is difficult and I am wishing for better things.

This morning, I caught myself pondering on the hope for better things while being completely content. How joyous it was to contemplate greater peace and joy even than I was experiencing at that time!

The eternities are not just going to be better than your worst day, they are going to be better than your best possible day to a degree far beyond your comprehension.

I. Love. Life.

I. Love. Ryan.

I. Love. Our potential together.

Goodnight!

All these things in moderation

It's been awhile since I've written.

But this morning I realized more deeply a very worthwhile truth that has been pretty hard for me to grasp...

Moderation.

You don't hear many motivational speakers choosing that as their motto...can you imagine it?

"You can do it ... But don't push yourself too hard!"

"Self mastery ... But go at it slowly."

I just couldn't get my mind around it. If it's good, you do it with all you've got-if it's not, you stay as far away from it as you possibly can. (There is truth here, by the way-it just doesn't contradict moderation like I thought it did.)

God's plan for our progression is "line upon line, precept on precept." God's way is "do your best...your very best" with the understanding that this is going to be a life-long (and longer) process.

... So, I've started elliptical-ing :P about 30 minutes in the morning. At first, I couldn't do even 30 seconds. Then Ryan pointed out that maybe if I didn't start out trying to sprint I would have a better chance at sustaining my efforts.

In my extreme mind set, feeling to a degree that it was cheating, I allowed myself to go at a much slower pace. I was able to last 2 minutes, then 5, and now my current 30.

My overall pace is much faster than it used to be, but I still give myself the freedom to slow down when needed, or change my stride to the much easier reverse when what I really want to do is get off the machine and crawl back in my bed.

I am allowing myself a third option in life as well as in my exercises besides sprinting and complete failure ... trying. And in doing so, I am much better at accepting and forgiving when necessary others' efforts at "trying" as well.

It doesn't matter if we see in what way others are trying by the way. It probably looks very different from our own version of trying. What matters is the realization that we are all trying. For myself, and those around me who might need some encouragement, I am going to raise the standard of, not mediocrity, but moderation. It is one step at a time that we achieve lasting success.

In that spirit-go and do your best ... and be kind and patient with yourself!

God certainly will be. He has shown himself to be kind and patient with his children-and don't we want to be like him? ;)

An experiment

Today, I felt drained when I said my morning prayer. It was a short prayer, essentially asking that I make it through the day.

Then, on the way home from taking the kids to school, a Christian radio program reminded me that "making it through" wasn't enough, and I really needed to continue to pray for wisdom in order to be able to handle situations that may arise in a day. "Seeing through God's eyes" is the way he put it.

I realized then, that after my prayer I had been struck with a seemingly strange resolve-only strange because in my state of mind, I was not thinking in this direction at all.

It was a resolve that today-no matter what else I did, I wasn't going to criticize my kids. Not one bit. I was going to only comment on their positive qualities and accomplishments. (And I was going to do alot of it to keep myself from slipping into critiques.)

It hasn't been easy.

I had only peripherally realized that in an attempt to keep things running I had fallen into a habit of giving constant reminders and suggestions on how things could be done better, or at all, with very little or no praise.

Sometimes my discourse with my children even fell further, into discouragement and projected disappointment.

Oh, how inspired was that wisdom!  Given to me when I was too unwise and too tired to ask for it.

Today I watched my children bloom as I showered them with constant compliments. Every situation had a new feel to it. Previous irritations (No, DON'T play with your brother, get your teeth brushed) became a way to find something good (I love how you are so fun and love your siblings, now I really need you to hurry and brush your teeth.)

Correction, when needed, was done with a feeling of love and appreciation on my end-and some correction was left unsaid as true intent was more easily discerned.

It has changed my day. It has made me remember that we, all of us, are intrinsically good. I will find it. I will praise it. I will remind my children, my husband, and myself of it daily.

It is a good seed, for it is delicious to me. :D (Book of mormon reference-if you haven't picked up your copy yet, visit mormon.org for a free copy sent straight to your door!)

And may God bless each of us with that great worthwhile, wisdom.

Goodnight!

Keeping track

I was reminded this morning of how often a little eternal truth is presented to my mind-you know, one of those moments of clarity that fills you with the spirit from head to toe and you *understand* something.

Not that they come every day, week, or month, but they are often enough that I have come to recognize them for what they are.

I realized too, the importance of recording them. Although they often seem to come at inconvenient times like, when I've just fallen asleep, or I'm checking out at the grocery store, or even just getting ready for the day, they are still sunshine from God that I don't just want to wander through, but want to hold onto for the future.

(And can I recognize that maybe God's timing isn't the problem, maybe I'm not in tune with his priority list?) ;)

Anyway, I'm going to try to do better at recording them.

What a blessing the companionship of the Holy Ghost is!

One more

Giggling tonight...just got a text from a good friend who said she had missed most of a church meeting because of "wiggly and restless toddler syndrome". (Anyone else been there?)

Better yet, we figured out the acronym would be WARTS.

A totally justifiable reason to call your beloved wiggly worm a wart.

Lol!

A few thoughts...

A pastor on the radio described Daniel as someone who "didn't focus on the circumstances, but kept his eye on God." I love this. Surely it can help me to "endure well"!

Scripture study tonight was beautiful. All the kids with their scriptures, all wanting to read. They are getting really good at their chores too. It was much less stressful today to get everything done.

Parenting makes much more sense the fourth time around. :P

End of the year thoughts

I can't believe we are at the end of the year already.

It has been a good year-very full and very good.

I am grateful for the people in my life who make it busy but so worthwhile.

Today, my 10 year old kissed me on the cheek and twirled away in her new red Christmas dress like a dream. Her touch is so precious. I see a time in not too long, when I will miss it - when the opportunities to enjoy it will be few and far between.

She is beautiful.

She asked tonight if she couldn't use her Christmas money to help pay for my disabled sister's medications. She is learning, but still retains her helpful and compassionate heart-even though she can also stand up for herself and sometimes have her mother's temper. ;)

My eight year old has grown this past year. He is taller and taps wherever he goes. He taught a lesson on scriptures today for "home primary"-as my oldest calls it. (We were home sick today.)

He said the scriptures are powerful. They are our sword and as we read them we can get back to Heavenly Father. I love his testimony and determination to do what is right and do his best-even if it is hard. That is something his dad taught him early on. He has really taken it to heart. I really believe there is nothing he can't do-especially as he continues to keep his baptismal covenant, reading his scriptures and saying his prayers and rememberingm Christ.

My six year old has gotten a little whiny-we need to help him there, but he is still the best helper and big brother. He may get tired or frustrated, but it disappears instantly when he has found a way to help someone. He loves to make a difference.

He is also still so sweet and forgiving. He is tender-hearted but still rough and tumble boy.

I am grateful for my six year old!

My two year old is growing up fast. She astounds me with her full sentences and strong will. Her sweet smile and still-chubby form makes her absolutely addicting. She is growing up though and has started to feel the impact of defying mommy and daddy's will, where before she couldn't seem to understand why her siblings would ever "not listen".

I owe her more structure.

My sweetheart and I have grown too. It has been a difficult switch to take time and energy to plan growth for our marriage. I learn alot from him-like how I don't often think of how my actions impact him-and that affects him, how there are better ways to handle things than just off of emotion.

As for myself-I am a 30 year old red head. Married almost 12 years now and mother of four. I am a disciple of Christ, a homemaker (the most difficult and versatile job in the world), and a lover of music-especially hymns. I am an artist, a craft-er, a no-pattern seamstress, a singer, pianist, and snuggler. I love a good book, a rainy day, a good movie and a bed full of children to share it with, all cozy under covers with snacks to share. I love clean sheets and an empty sink. I enjoy flattering clothes but am most comfortable in yoga pants and a t-shirt. I aspire to be healthy and athletic and am an amateur nutritionist.

I love nature and being outdoors. I love to learn about and observe astronomical phenomenon. I love to journal write, do genealogy, and my favorite place to be-if I could have my way every day-is the temple.

I still have a temper, but it's getting better and I do poorly when I don't get sleep. I love mornings. I'd rather have sausage than bacon and orange juice than soda. I like the tart taste of real cranberry juice.

I am learning to be more accepting of people how they are but want to be careful to maintain my understanding of God's standards and defend what is right.

I love my family.

It's good to take stock now and again. :)

I am so grateful to God. Everything good in my life comes from Him.

Move on

"Apologize and move on." Advice given to me by Cheryl Cardall.

I followed it tonight and Kristen, Joseph, and Benjamin forgave me for my short temper tonight. I especially needed it from Kristen.

Joseph said he'd always forgive me and I was the best mom he knew. It warmed my heart and I told them I would try harder.

Thank you Cheryl.

Sometimes I feel justified in my anger with the kids or a situation and I try to put the blame on someone else, but the fact is, I am the one making the decision. I do not have the spirit when I feel contention. That message is the one I need to send to my kids. Not that it's ok when mom does it, but that there are eternal truths in action here.

I'm grateful for the chance I had to feel the gift of forgiveness from my kids tonight.

Thankful list

Today,

Blessed to have everyone come home safe.

Blessed to have time to spend with Kristen this morning helping her go over assignments.

Blessed to have family prayers and scripture study!

Blessed to have cars that work.

Blessed to have contacts.

Blessed with (apparently) the ability to confuse the utility company.

Blessed to hear Rebecca squeal-laugh while playing peek-a-boo.

Blessed to have food to eat and a son, two actually, who swear they love burned garlic bread. :P

Blessed to have a sweetheart who loves me, no matter what predicament I get myself into (although he'd rather that I didn't...)

Blessed to live another day.

Sitting here

Sitting here as ' base' while my 5 and 2 year-old run around me and in and out of the room chasing each other with empty water guns.

I have been realizing lately how much I take for granted, like being a stay-at-home mom, having a comfortable mortgage payment, not to mention just having a home.

There are so many things.

And so I revel, for just a moment, in being the one they jump on when they are "scared", in feeling their small arms tight around my neck and their soft cheeks against mine. I breathe in the last remnants of that "baby" smell and admire their dimples as they outgrow ... everything. Everything baby and dependent and soft.

And I resolve - again - to not take for granted these moments. To cherish and nurture. To smile more. To be distracted less.

And so, though I am pressed with things to do, for a moment I sit and am a part of their world.

And it's precious to me.

A note from tonight

I am going to post this-although it is actually from August of 2012-a little more than half way through my "journey" of last year. It is a mark of progress that I no longer spend the bulk of my time and energy looking for ways to feel guilty.

Read on...

"Just got home from choir where I got to sing with a wonderful choir and conductor-two awesome sisters especially made it fun.

Another sister gave me a bag of clothes for Joseph to grow into. I felt God's love and awareness that he inspired her to bless us in this way.

My first instinct tonight in prayer was to apologize to God for my ingratitude today or for any complaining, or even for experiencing moments that weren't completely joyful-but was answered with a feeling that I didn't need to analyze and apologize. That he did it just because he loved me. No guilt needed.

I didn't quite know how to take it.

But I am pondering on it and it's implications for me as a mother...mostly though, I feel I am to just accept it and relax. I'm doing ok and God understands."

At peace

My thoughts tonight are a reflection, or summation of alot of recent events.

I have a new "calling" or responsibility in my church; that of teaching the 18 month to 3 year olds for two hours on Sundays. It is wonderful for many reasons, one of which is that my husband was recently asked to serve with me. I have missed the women's class tremendously and the responsibilities I had there, but I feel deeply the satisfaction of being where God wants me to be. Looking back, I see ways I was prepared for the change-like purchasing the teaching manual for that class months before to use in my own home and many insights lately on the purity and love of children.

Another recent event is that the doctors discovered two weeks ago that my dad's kidney cancer has doubled in size. We should find out any day if it has spread, but surgery to remove the kidney is petty definite and the test results have not come back to tell us whether his remaining kidney would be strong enough to sustain him.

The cancer fight has been close to my heart lately, with the recent death of a good woman who is going to be missed greatly and continuing prayers for another four cancer patients (two adults and two children).

But although my dad's news is not good, I feel at peace, knowing that in each case above I have seen God's will, and his mercy shown. I know he is watchful over my dad.

Interestingly enough, this news has seemed to bridge a gap in a way, and lately I have had the wonderful opportunity to get to know my dad better than I ever have before. I am grateful.

I'll stop there because it's late, but getting through to the other side of difficulties and having made it through on faith makes looking back on the journey a joy. Sometimes you only see the footprints in the sand when it's all over.

The assurance though, is that they will for sure be there when you look back. He walks with us. The trick is seeing him in the middle of the trial-or having faith enough to believe he is there anyway.

G'night!

"Oooh! Those are so illegal."

4th of July, My 8 year old son saw "the big fireworks" being shot off all throughout the neighborhood. When he asked why we didn't have any of those to light off, we answered that they were illegal and explained why.

My 8-year old has always had a firm sense of justice and every time after that, when he would see a glittery umbrella erupt, he would "Ooooh!", followed by, "Those are SO illegal." :P

I took the opportunity to let him know that they were also beautuful-they were just being used in the wrong place. It made me think of another talk we are going to have to have soon along the lines of intimacy and chastity. Another powerful and beautiful thing that, at the wrong time or place, can consume and destroy.

I'm so grateful for such a timely parallel for such a difficult topic.

I love it when Heavenly Father provides the answers in advance!

Closing the door, making the Sabbath a day of rest

I have always loved Sundays. The way I would wake up to find grandma sitting in her rocking chair, studying her scriptures instead of watching the news, dressed in her nicest - and curlers in her hair. We'd have our breakfast in quiet, unless she had her Sunday country on the sterio. :) Either way, it was calm and peaceful and a wonderful way for one to prepare one's mind for spiritual matters.

Getting to the church and finding "our" pew, right under the vent and a little forward of the clock in the large chapel, lighted by thin windows that reached to the top of the cathedral-like ceiling as well as by rows of low-hanging chandeliers was another cue to my young mind that matters of great importance were to be presented to any who came prepared to take the jeweled messages in.

Rich organ prelude invited and hushed the congregation.

It was a time marked and set aside.

Then I grew up and got married.

And then I had children. ;)

My Sundays became harried. Preparation for the Sabbath seemed entirely out of reach, no matter how many baths I had my children get in the day before.

Last minute blow-outs, 20 pound diaper backpacks, and a knowledge that I'd probably be walking halls once I finally got to church was my new norm.

I found that with one child I averaged about 1/2 an hour late. With two children, it doubled to an hour. When we discovered we would be blessed with a third, well, lets just say I "girded up my loins". Not knowing how late I'd be with this one, I remember the morning I started getting everyone ready with an arrival time in my head that was a full 4 hours before we had to be there.

What I'm really trying to get to, is that I've struggled ever since then to reclaim the day of rest I know Sunday is supposed to be.

And I think we've made some progress.

First off; alot, I found, had to do with my way of thinking.

Ie. I may not be able to rest from changing diapers or cooking dinner, but what can I rest from? Laundry? Sweeping and mopping? Kids' homework?

Second; What Sunday appropriate activities can I fill my time with that I don't usually get to do? These are things I enjoy, things that give back,  like service, writing thank you cards, making a treat to share with someone, going on a car ride, making a craft or playing a game with the kids, going on a walk...all the things I wish I could get to during a busy week that really do build bonds of love in a family.

Between these two-and, I won't lie, my kids getting older and more self-sufficient (I have a 10, 8, 5, and 2 year old), over time and with much trial and error, I have learned to close the door on weekday projects. I have come to recognize that even if my Sunday is busy, it is busy with all the things that I love most. It is truly becoming a rest from my labors.

Repair putty

We have purchased around 40 pounds of sculpey in the last week. (Thank goodness for Michaels coupons!)

This oven-bake clay is perfect for our mega-home project of late-building a terrarium structure for our geckos in their new (donated-yay!) tank.

At first, my husband would stress about every imperfection, and really stress about any heat-induced cracks that were caused by the firing process.

Every fissure brought a groan of discouragement, every unintended droop a sigh.

And then we discovered "repair putty", a marine safe epoxy that filled in gaps, bonded almost instantly, and cured to match the baked clay.

And I thought to myself, as my husband proceeded to happily and expertly apply it, "Wow! This is so symbolic!"

My whole life I have worried about making my life perfect. I didn't want any cracks or bumps in my finished product and I figured I only had one shot, kind of like oven-bake clay. ;)

What I don't think I realized is that God has repair putty.

He has the ability to fill in gaps, fix damage, and leave me stronger than before. He can make my finished product perfect, even if I can not.

I think I'm in love with repair putty. And I think I can breathe a little easier knowing that God can do the same with the jr. sculptures I'm involved in casting right now as well.

What a relief. :)