By this, I mean that life changes ... and also that I've been experiencing some life-changes. I am amazed at how much I think I know, only to find out later that I really knew so little.
"The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth." D&C 93:36
"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior." Elder Boyd K. Packer in Oct. 1986 General Conference. (Not available yet on lds.org)
But, I don't have alot of time to put my thoughts in paragraph form, so I just want to jot down a list of the things that are on the top of my mind - with a record of my gratitude for the intelligence that is gained by seeing every experience through an eye of faith. I feel elevated. Almost giddy with a perspective that is miles higher than my own. My heart begins to race and I am tempted to give in to the stress of living and then I remember that a power greater than my own has forseen and prepared the way for me. My troubles truly seem to shrink and pile at my feet as pebbles, an apt metaphor made by, I believe it was President James E. Faust.
*My house is a disaster - but it's okay because I am finally prioritizing so that my family comes first. And, yes, I realize that keeping a house in order is also taking care of my family - but it falls below other health needs that are currently pressing. I am also finding that by taking the little time I have with my kids to focus on them instead of the house, we usually end up doing some housework together anyway.
*We have changed our diet. Not that we were on a diet - unless there's a mac'n cheese and corn dog diet out there somewhere. Because of my daughter's difficulties and what looks like high marks for ADD and ADHD (other testing pending), I have been focused on changing the things we eat to try to cut out preservatives, other chemicals, and lessen our sugar intake. I have been hoping that this change to 'whole-foods' would help in my daughter's academics as well as behavior and social difficulties. My husband is not a fan of this style of health-food eating and I am so grateful for the preparation that occurred to make it so it was a change he could support. (beanland.wordpress.com, by the way, is a fantastic source for healthy eating info. and recipes.) I'm still working on making things that taste good, but with the support of my family, I know it's doable and will be so much better for all of us. An example of this support? One experimental dish was tasted by my very tactful 6 year old and then, when asked what he thought, he kindly replied "Well mom, you tried your best." My less-tactful 9 year old said, "Mom, don't worry, I'm sure it's the store's fault."
*We took 3 of my 4 kids to their Cystic Fibrosis clinic yesterday. I was excited for my 9 and 4 year old to be seen, as it was their first clinic and I was sure that they would take one look at them and send us on our way for 6 months. They are both tall for their age and very exuberant. It was difficult to come home instead with 5 prescriptions, 3 new routines, 4 lab slips, 2 specialist referrals and news that my oldest already has some lung damage - probably from surgery on a collapsed lung when she was about 3. They believe the damage is reversible, it's just not what I was expecting, certainly not what I was hoping. This is going to create a life-change for us. Up until now, the kids' CF, being very mild, has been hardly an intrusion on our life, now we are beginning treatments that are twice a day. I was grateful for the experience a month before when they had all been sick and for the first time in my life I found I was able to administer all medications to all children perfectly without having to keep a detailed written schedule. I know God gave me that experience to look back on to recognize that additional wisdom and order could be supplied to help me keep track of everything. As I left, another reminder of my blessings was presented at the door when, in reply to my frustrations at having the visit be less positive than I'd hoped, the clinic coordinator kindly said she understood, but then, looking very sad, reminded me that most of those she sees daily are those who are very very sick. I can't even imagine.
It's not going to be easy, but I have no complaints. It is a relief though, to acknowledge that for me, this is not going to be easy. But I can do hard things.
It doesn't lessen my hard things that I know others have things that are so much harder to deal with. It makes me grateful. It makes me prayerful. It makes me feel like serving. But to not acknowledge this difficulty exists would be to not acknowledge God's blessings through it.
We each have a tailor-made set of difficulties given to us. Oh that I may "[become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [me], even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19
And, of course, as I do, 2 Nephi 2:2 comes into play - "...thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."
"Preachy post"? Perhaps. I did, after all, cite what I believe is scripture. =) But it is preaching to no one but myself. I am weak and following and relying on God has blessed me beyond my own capabilities. It has blessed my family. It has given me hope and brought me from a dark, selfish place to a place of warmth and light and peace.
For me, it has been the answer to everything.