I looked up the definitions of "virtuous, lovely, good report, praiseworthy" tonight. How often I let these things pass me by. Far from 'seeking them out', I seem to miss them entirely unless I make the effort to watch for, or in retrospect, look for them.
My oldest son recently was feeling pretty down - if I remember right, we didn't let him play video games, downright cruelty as far as he's concerned ... Anyway, he listed his problems for me as I tucked him in and I acknowledged his difficulties, then, I asked him to find 5 good things or blessings for every one thing he felt was wrong. It took a little while, but by the time he went to sleep, he was smiling.
I know a lady who smiled at me today and said that yes, her husband might lose his job, but she knew God would take care of them. I believe she counts the blessings in her life. Hope and gratitude seem so deeply tied.
How often do I count my difficulties and forget entirely to count my blessings - or at least only look for them peripherally - enough to see that they couldn't possibly overwhelm the sad state of my life. But, a man once said "We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings" (Jeffery R. Holland) and another man explained why. He said, "The expectation that more is deserved can cause our plate of plenty to appear empty." (Gordon T. Watts) For their special witness and addresses, click on the links.
So, a couple of blessings:
*The dryer was empty when I remembered at bedtime that I had started a load of wash this morning.
*Primary songs - catchy tunes that teach my kids the important lessons of life - like honesty, courage, and faith. (tonight's favorite? "Nephi's Courage")
*A car that runs - (ahem, despite my best efforts, ie. denying it that oil change that I keep swearing I'm going to work into my schedule!)
*Rotisserie chickens from Smiths. We don't do it often, but an easy dinner here and there is a blessing. Not to mention the blessing of being able to survive occasional dips into the food budget - something we couldn't do as 'poor college kids'.
*Wedding ring - I forgot to put it back on after making bread the other day and slept a whole night without it - drove me nuts. I was so glad to get it back on.
*Soft baby skin. I know it's hard for alot of people - alot of people I love actually, who aren't at a point yet where they have been able to have children, but I think God must know I'm not as strong of a person as they are. My whole drive some days is encompassed in those chubby little bodies.
*And of course, talking parenting reminds me of my gratitude for my Savior, who takes my best efforts and amplifies and refines them to be a benefit to my family. This constant purging and renewing influence allows me to open my eyes each morning to another day, abandoning the regrets of the past and preparing me to make all new mistakes - but make them with the best of intentions and, hopefully, some progress.
Yeah, not quite 5 to 1 yet, but I'll keep working on it. By the time my head hits my pillow, I bet I'll be sleeping as sweetly as my six year old.
Good night world - as someone once said (my husband's laughing right now, I'm sure - have I mentioned that I have a memory like a sieve?) it's not so much a matter of how far you've moved, as it is of making sure you're facing the right direction. So, here's to trying again tomorrow. Sleep well.
Showing posts with label scriptures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scriptures. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Kitchen blessing
I have been married for over 10 years now and am just now finding the joy (and actually attaining success) in managing my home. I never knew before, first, how much work it is to actually keep a home in good order day to day, and second, that it is actually possible. Any child who is reared in such a home and learns the habits of work and care for one's own living area has a wonderful blessing.
Current schedule? Sure, here it is:
7a-make kids a whole-foods breakfast while they get themselves ready and lunches made (again, as healthy as I can get - still learning about healthy eating) and Ryan does Rebecca's AM treatment.
7:30a-Breakfast, then last minute clean-up/getting out the door.
9a-Start cleaning. Everyday things like dishes and laundry first, then checking over/cleaning surfaces and floors with my four year old working right there beside me.
11a-Work on my inbox. (To Do lists/calendar items, etc...)
12p-Make lunch
1p-Put my 1 year old and 4 year old down for 'nap' and 'quiet time' respectively. Depending on if I slept, take a nap. Getting sufficient sleep is an absolute necessity with fibromyalgia. Additional 'to-do' items.
3p-Pick up the kids and start the evening schedule (which varies day to day and is still needing some tweaking.)
Other things like exercise, also a must with fibro, homework, yard work, scripture study, prayer, time to fulfill callings, etc. are also getting worked in, but aren't set in stone yet - well, prayer is, it's as soon as I get up. Scripture reading too - but not scripture study - which I consider very different. Dr.'s appointments - which we have a lot of lately with all four kids having CF, and one so far having ADHD and going through further testing for some other things, and grocery shopping/other shopping are morning items that will have to move daily cleaning to the next day. I am learning that I just can't do it all, or at least do it all 'today' - and that's okay.
Now, today I read the following, and in conjunction with some of the lessons I am learning right now, I was extremely touched by it. It was part of a post found here by Sharon Kaufman, a fellow blogger and follower of Christ. Like so many I appreciate and learn from, she is not 'of my faith', but our faith shares the same focus. The context of the original post is fantastic and ends with this thought: "Nourishing others with physical food from our kitchens opens to us the opportunity to nourish them spiritually as well. And that, my dear sisters, is what our kitchens are all about."
A kitchen blessing:
Current schedule? Sure, here it is:
7a-make kids a whole-foods breakfast while they get themselves ready and lunches made (again, as healthy as I can get - still learning about healthy eating) and Ryan does Rebecca's AM treatment.
7:30a-Breakfast, then last minute clean-up/getting out the door.
9a-Start cleaning. Everyday things like dishes and laundry first, then checking over/cleaning surfaces and floors with my four year old working right there beside me.
11a-Work on my inbox. (To Do lists/calendar items, etc...)
12p-Make lunch
1p-Put my 1 year old and 4 year old down for 'nap' and 'quiet time' respectively. Depending on if I slept, take a nap. Getting sufficient sleep is an absolute necessity with fibromyalgia. Additional 'to-do' items.
3p-Pick up the kids and start the evening schedule (which varies day to day and is still needing some tweaking.)
Other things like exercise, also a must with fibro, homework, yard work, scripture study, prayer, time to fulfill callings, etc. are also getting worked in, but aren't set in stone yet - well, prayer is, it's as soon as I get up. Scripture reading too - but not scripture study - which I consider very different. Dr.'s appointments - which we have a lot of lately with all four kids having CF, and one so far having ADHD and going through further testing for some other things, and grocery shopping/other shopping are morning items that will have to move daily cleaning to the next day. I am learning that I just can't do it all, or at least do it all 'today' - and that's okay.
Now, today I read the following, and in conjunction with some of the lessons I am learning right now, I was extremely touched by it. It was part of a post found here by Sharon Kaufman, a fellow blogger and follower of Christ. Like so many I appreciate and learn from, she is not 'of my faith', but our faith shares the same focus. The context of the original post is fantastic and ends with this thought: "Nourishing others with physical food from our kitchens opens to us the opportunity to nourish them spiritually as well. And that, my dear sisters, is what our kitchens are all about."
A kitchen blessing:
Feeding Others
Bless my little kitchen, Lord;
I love its every nook.
And bless me as I do my work,
Wash pots and pans and cook.
May the meals that I prepare
Be seasoned from above
With Your blessing and Your grace,
But most of all Your love.
As we partake of earthly food
The table You have spread,
We'll not forget to thank You, Lord,
For all our daily bread.
Please bless my little kitchen, Lord
And those who enter here;
May they find Your joy and peace,
Through Christ the Savior dear
For what I offer on each plate
Can only gratify
The temporary need one has -
T'will never satisfy.
But Jesus is the Bread of Life;In a day when women everywhere are pressured to find fulfillment outside of the home, the emphasis on the importance of the work in the home is refreshing and so worthwhile!
It is the soul He feeds.
He gives to every hungering heart
Himself, to meet the need.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Life Changes
By this, I mean that life changes ... and also that I've been experiencing some life-changes. I am amazed at how much I think I know, only to find out later that I really knew so little.
"The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth." D&C 93:36
"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior." Elder Boyd K. Packer in Oct. 1986 General Conference. (Not available yet on lds.org)
But, I don't have alot of time to put my thoughts in paragraph form, so I just want to jot down a list of the things that are on the top of my mind - with a record of my gratitude for the intelligence that is gained by seeing every experience through an eye of faith. I feel elevated. Almost giddy with a perspective that is miles higher than my own. My heart begins to race and I am tempted to give in to the stress of living and then I remember that a power greater than my own has forseen and prepared the way for me. My troubles truly seem to shrink and pile at my feet as pebbles, an apt metaphor made by, I believe it was President James E. Faust.
*My house is a disaster - but it's okay because I am finally prioritizing so that my family comes first. And, yes, I realize that keeping a house in order is also taking care of my family - but it falls below other health needs that are currently pressing. I am also finding that by taking the little time I have with my kids to focus on them instead of the house, we usually end up doing some housework together anyway.
*We have changed our diet. Not that we were on a diet - unless there's a mac'n cheese and corn dog diet out there somewhere. Because of my daughter's difficulties and what looks like high marks for ADD and ADHD (other testing pending), I have been focused on changing the things we eat to try to cut out preservatives, other chemicals, and lessen our sugar intake. I have been hoping that this change to 'whole-foods' would help in my daughter's academics as well as behavior and social difficulties. My husband is not a fan of this style of health-food eating and I am so grateful for the preparation that occurred to make it so it was a change he could support. (beanland.wordpress.com, by the way, is a fantastic source for healthy eating info. and recipes.) I'm still working on making things that taste good, but with the support of my family, I know it's doable and will be so much better for all of us. An example of this support? One experimental dish was tasted by my very tactful 6 year old and then, when asked what he thought, he kindly replied "Well mom, you tried your best." My less-tactful 9 year old said, "Mom, don't worry, I'm sure it's the store's fault."
*We took 3 of my 4 kids to their Cystic Fibrosis clinic yesterday. I was excited for my 9 and 4 year old to be seen, as it was their first clinic and I was sure that they would take one look at them and send us on our way for 6 months. They are both tall for their age and very exuberant. It was difficult to come home instead with 5 prescriptions, 3 new routines, 4 lab slips, 2 specialist referrals and news that my oldest already has some lung damage - probably from surgery on a collapsed lung when she was about 3. They believe the damage is reversible, it's just not what I was expecting, certainly not what I was hoping. This is going to create a life-change for us. Up until now, the kids' CF, being very mild, has been hardly an intrusion on our life, now we are beginning treatments that are twice a day. I was grateful for the experience a month before when they had all been sick and for the first time in my life I found I was able to administer all medications to all children perfectly without having to keep a detailed written schedule. I know God gave me that experience to look back on to recognize that additional wisdom and order could be supplied to help me keep track of everything. As I left, another reminder of my blessings was presented at the door when, in reply to my frustrations at having the visit be less positive than I'd hoped, the clinic coordinator kindly said she understood, but then, looking very sad, reminded me that most of those she sees daily are those who are very very sick. I can't even imagine.
It's not going to be easy, but I have no complaints. It is a relief though, to acknowledge that for me, this is not going to be easy. But I can do hard things.
It doesn't lessen my hard things that I know others have things that are so much harder to deal with. It makes me grateful. It makes me prayerful. It makes me feel like serving. But to not acknowledge this difficulty exists would be to not acknowledge God's blessings through it.
We each have a tailor-made set of difficulties given to us. Oh that I may "[become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [me], even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19
And, of course, as I do, 2 Nephi 2:2 comes into play - "...thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."
"Preachy post"? Perhaps. I did, after all, cite what I believe is scripture. =) But it is preaching to no one but myself. I am weak and following and relying on God has blessed me beyond my own capabilities. It has blessed my family. It has given me hope and brought me from a dark, selfish place to a place of warmth and light and peace.
For me, it has been the answer to everything.
"The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth." D&C 93:36
"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior." Elder Boyd K. Packer in Oct. 1986 General Conference. (Not available yet on lds.org)
But, I don't have alot of time to put my thoughts in paragraph form, so I just want to jot down a list of the things that are on the top of my mind - with a record of my gratitude for the intelligence that is gained by seeing every experience through an eye of faith. I feel elevated. Almost giddy with a perspective that is miles higher than my own. My heart begins to race and I am tempted to give in to the stress of living and then I remember that a power greater than my own has forseen and prepared the way for me. My troubles truly seem to shrink and pile at my feet as pebbles, an apt metaphor made by, I believe it was President James E. Faust.
*My house is a disaster - but it's okay because I am finally prioritizing so that my family comes first. And, yes, I realize that keeping a house in order is also taking care of my family - but it falls below other health needs that are currently pressing. I am also finding that by taking the little time I have with my kids to focus on them instead of the house, we usually end up doing some housework together anyway.
*We have changed our diet. Not that we were on a diet - unless there's a mac'n cheese and corn dog diet out there somewhere. Because of my daughter's difficulties and what looks like high marks for ADD and ADHD (other testing pending), I have been focused on changing the things we eat to try to cut out preservatives, other chemicals, and lessen our sugar intake. I have been hoping that this change to 'whole-foods' would help in my daughter's academics as well as behavior and social difficulties. My husband is not a fan of this style of health-food eating and I am so grateful for the preparation that occurred to make it so it was a change he could support. (beanland.wordpress.com, by the way, is a fantastic source for healthy eating info. and recipes.) I'm still working on making things that taste good, but with the support of my family, I know it's doable and will be so much better for all of us. An example of this support? One experimental dish was tasted by my very tactful 6 year old and then, when asked what he thought, he kindly replied "Well mom, you tried your best." My less-tactful 9 year old said, "Mom, don't worry, I'm sure it's the store's fault."
*We took 3 of my 4 kids to their Cystic Fibrosis clinic yesterday. I was excited for my 9 and 4 year old to be seen, as it was their first clinic and I was sure that they would take one look at them and send us on our way for 6 months. They are both tall for their age and very exuberant. It was difficult to come home instead with 5 prescriptions, 3 new routines, 4 lab slips, 2 specialist referrals and news that my oldest already has some lung damage - probably from surgery on a collapsed lung when she was about 3. They believe the damage is reversible, it's just not what I was expecting, certainly not what I was hoping. This is going to create a life-change for us. Up until now, the kids' CF, being very mild, has been hardly an intrusion on our life, now we are beginning treatments that are twice a day. I was grateful for the experience a month before when they had all been sick and for the first time in my life I found I was able to administer all medications to all children perfectly without having to keep a detailed written schedule. I know God gave me that experience to look back on to recognize that additional wisdom and order could be supplied to help me keep track of everything. As I left, another reminder of my blessings was presented at the door when, in reply to my frustrations at having the visit be less positive than I'd hoped, the clinic coordinator kindly said she understood, but then, looking very sad, reminded me that most of those she sees daily are those who are very very sick. I can't even imagine.
It's not going to be easy, but I have no complaints. It is a relief though, to acknowledge that for me, this is not going to be easy. But I can do hard things.
It doesn't lessen my hard things that I know others have things that are so much harder to deal with. It makes me grateful. It makes me prayerful. It makes me feel like serving. But to not acknowledge this difficulty exists would be to not acknowledge God's blessings through it.
We each have a tailor-made set of difficulties given to us. Oh that I may "[become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [me], even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19
And, of course, as I do, 2 Nephi 2:2 comes into play - "...thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."
"Preachy post"? Perhaps. I did, after all, cite what I believe is scripture. =) But it is preaching to no one but myself. I am weak and following and relying on God has blessed me beyond my own capabilities. It has blessed my family. It has given me hope and brought me from a dark, selfish place to a place of warmth and light and peace.
For me, it has been the answer to everything.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Worthwhiles part IV
Really needing to look at the positives today. So:
*I have a full box of baby diapers! For all the times that I have run short, this is really a sign of stability for me.
*There are baby toys all over the house, which means that I am blessed enough to have a baby in the house.
*There is a fabulous "Happy Birthday" balloon floating above me from my youngest's 1 year birthday party this last weekend. It is obscenely happy and determined to be just that. I would love to mimic it's blatantly optimistic style, but I am loathe to cover myself with anything that sports variously colored and sized polka dots.
*I have a husband who comes home to me every night. I am realizing again what a blessing this is. Marriages that are performed in temples with the understanding that they continue beyond this mortal life may not always be perfect, but they can not help but foster deeper, more devoted relationships.
*God's comfort. It is accessible to all of mankind, but an especially poignant blessing when a more constant presence in a person's life.
*Wipems. There has got to be about 110 uses for those things.
*Exercise. I have exercised two out of the last three days. I have had energy two out of the last three days. I'll let you guess which days go with which.
*Experience. Is it a poem I once read? I am reminded of something I once heard somewhere about pain or experience carving out troughs in our hearts to increase our capacity to love. Doesn't sound as poetic as I remember it being, but the thought is essentially as I remember it. When another's pains carve into your heart it seems to do the same thing, I am finding.
And now, scriptures and goodnight. Sleep well and soundly world. May you be comforted.
*I have a full box of baby diapers! For all the times that I have run short, this is really a sign of stability for me.
*There are baby toys all over the house, which means that I am blessed enough to have a baby in the house.
*There is a fabulous "Happy Birthday" balloon floating above me from my youngest's 1 year birthday party this last weekend. It is obscenely happy and determined to be just that. I would love to mimic it's blatantly optimistic style, but I am loathe to cover myself with anything that sports variously colored and sized polka dots.
*I have a husband who comes home to me every night. I am realizing again what a blessing this is. Marriages that are performed in temples with the understanding that they continue beyond this mortal life may not always be perfect, but they can not help but foster deeper, more devoted relationships.
*God's comfort. It is accessible to all of mankind, but an especially poignant blessing when a more constant presence in a person's life.
*Wipems. There has got to be about 110 uses for those things.
*Exercise. I have exercised two out of the last three days. I have had energy two out of the last three days. I'll let you guess which days go with which.
*Experience. Is it a poem I once read? I am reminded of something I once heard somewhere about pain or experience carving out troughs in our hearts to increase our capacity to love. Doesn't sound as poetic as I remember it being, but the thought is essentially as I remember it. When another's pains carve into your heart it seems to do the same thing, I am finding.
And now, scriptures and goodnight. Sleep well and soundly world. May you be comforted.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Four lessons
I have learned four things the last two days. In my mother's and grandmother's estimations, that means that I can go to bed, as it only required one thing per day to earn that distinction as far as I ever heard them talk.
*I went to the store the other day and bought bananas. Apparently my one year old was hungry enough and the peel itself was not an obstacle too great to prevent her from trying to chew through to the banana while we were trying to check out. Needless to say, we ate bananas in the car on the way home.
Where did the garbage go? In the grocery sack I have hung between the two front seats of course.
Later that day I have people in my car and I realize that the banana peels are still there. I assure them that they are a new addition to the car and in embarrassment, promise myself that I will take the garbage out at the earliest opportunity.
Two days later. I get in the car and smell the faint smell of bananas. Hmm, nice air freshener. I think to myself, I don't think Ryan would have gone and bought a banana air freshener for my car. . . Takes me a moment to realize that I STILL have rotting banana peels in my car. *sigh*
Lesson? Banana peels can make a good car air freshener, but not recommended for more than two days.
*Next. My oldest just had surgery to get tubes in her ears and had an adnoidectomy. The surgery itself goes well, but she does not come out of it too well. It turns into a very long day. Physically exhausted and mentally drained, I sit down to read and to attempt to get lost in a book. I still feel dissatisfied. When my husband gets home I find myself, in tears, telling him how I feel I need to get away from the stress of the house.
As I am saying this I find the idea of having to leave my home to find peace disturbing. I then realize that what I really want is for my home to be my haven. Something clicks and I suddenly feel a desire to do dishes. In working on the dishes I feel satisfied. At last. I am still as tired, but I feel joy in improving my surroundings and serving my family.
I have desired to feel this way for so long, I don't know why my prayer was answered that evening, but I do know that I have more focus to make my home the 'getaway' for myself and all who enter. The work seems lighter and gives me a satisfaction that running away only to return to the same messes would never give. I have a feeling it is one of those lessons I will have to learn more than once, but I am so grateful. Maybe I'll be able to sing "Love At Home" with a little less resentment now. (Yeah, it's never been my favorite song ... in fact, I even went so far as to make up alternate words to it, something about 'There is crying all around when there's dirty diapers at home ...')
*Third, this one is pretty simple. It's one I've heard before and it's sinking deeper into my understanding. When I yell - which I have been known to do now and then ... maybe more, I am simply throwing my own adult-sized tantrum. It is immaturity. It is me getting so frustrated that what I really want to do is throw myself on the floor and pound my hands and feet against it, mad at the world that things aren't fair. It is me being tired and needing a nap, or maybe a time-out.
For all the excuses there are out there for yelling (some of which are still acceptable as far as I'm concerned "Don't go in that street young man!" being an example.) I'd say most of them fall into this category of, as we call it at our house, "throwing a fit".
Now, along with this, I have learned a joint lesson in it, which makes me grateful. God didn't just look at me and say, realize you're throwing a tantrum and stop. He walked me through why I have had such difficulty in raising my small children. Why I have felt that things have been so unfair - although I didn't realize that is what I was feeling at the time.
I found that my discontent seems to have grown from the following: I have always thought that you could only feel the spirit and listen to it's promptings when things were quiet and reverent. In fact, it is A way to feel the spirit, and maybe the best, but I got so discouraged with the constant chaos that small children bring, that I had finally fallen into hopelessness of ever having a quiet, reverent house and maybe not feeling the spirit again until all the children had moved out. The fact is, scripturally, direction has been given and the spirit felt when the individual sought God and was peaceful enough to hear the response, not necessarily when all around them was calm and at peace. I think of times of war and times of dissension when, surely, leaders have needed the guidance of the spirit. In fact, it is very rare that we can completely control our outward environment, and sometimes we can not leave to find a more peaceful setting. I have learned that if within myself I can be at peace, then I can feel the spirit - and more inspiring to me still, that I don't have to be perfect to be able to hear it's sweet call.
*Last, and a much needed relief - our dishwasher has been leaving our dishes dirty. Switching mind-frames in the middle of other things going on, to now needing to hand-wash dishes didn't go so well and the dishes started to pile up. A wonderful friend came over and casually made the comment, run vinegar through it!
I did.
It washes dishes again and now I make it a point to put vinegar in as a rinse aid for every load.
Little blessings, constant learning, and most of all, faith in my Savior now and in his love, and hope for eternal happiness. These constitute some of the best things in my life right now. Still so much to learn and so much growing to do. No wonder we are told to judge on intention, rather than actions. I hope I can be judged with such mercy. Heaven knows I need it.
*I went to the store the other day and bought bananas. Apparently my one year old was hungry enough and the peel itself was not an obstacle too great to prevent her from trying to chew through to the banana while we were trying to check out. Needless to say, we ate bananas in the car on the way home.
Where did the garbage go? In the grocery sack I have hung between the two front seats of course.
Later that day I have people in my car and I realize that the banana peels are still there. I assure them that they are a new addition to the car and in embarrassment, promise myself that I will take the garbage out at the earliest opportunity.
Two days later. I get in the car and smell the faint smell of bananas. Hmm, nice air freshener. I think to myself, I don't think Ryan would have gone and bought a banana air freshener for my car. . . Takes me a moment to realize that I STILL have rotting banana peels in my car. *sigh*
Lesson? Banana peels can make a good car air freshener, but not recommended for more than two days.
*Next. My oldest just had surgery to get tubes in her ears and had an adnoidectomy. The surgery itself goes well, but she does not come out of it too well. It turns into a very long day. Physically exhausted and mentally drained, I sit down to read and to attempt to get lost in a book. I still feel dissatisfied. When my husband gets home I find myself, in tears, telling him how I feel I need to get away from the stress of the house.
As I am saying this I find the idea of having to leave my home to find peace disturbing. I then realize that what I really want is for my home to be my haven. Something clicks and I suddenly feel a desire to do dishes. In working on the dishes I feel satisfied. At last. I am still as tired, but I feel joy in improving my surroundings and serving my family.
I have desired to feel this way for so long, I don't know why my prayer was answered that evening, but I do know that I have more focus to make my home the 'getaway' for myself and all who enter. The work seems lighter and gives me a satisfaction that running away only to return to the same messes would never give. I have a feeling it is one of those lessons I will have to learn more than once, but I am so grateful. Maybe I'll be able to sing "Love At Home" with a little less resentment now. (Yeah, it's never been my favorite song ... in fact, I even went so far as to make up alternate words to it, something about 'There is crying all around when there's dirty diapers at home ...')
*Third, this one is pretty simple. It's one I've heard before and it's sinking deeper into my understanding. When I yell - which I have been known to do now and then ... maybe more, I am simply throwing my own adult-sized tantrum. It is immaturity. It is me getting so frustrated that what I really want to do is throw myself on the floor and pound my hands and feet against it, mad at the world that things aren't fair. It is me being tired and needing a nap, or maybe a time-out.
For all the excuses there are out there for yelling (some of which are still acceptable as far as I'm concerned "Don't go in that street young man!" being an example.) I'd say most of them fall into this category of, as we call it at our house, "throwing a fit".
Now, along with this, I have learned a joint lesson in it, which makes me grateful. God didn't just look at me and say, realize you're throwing a tantrum and stop. He walked me through why I have had such difficulty in raising my small children. Why I have felt that things have been so unfair - although I didn't realize that is what I was feeling at the time.
I found that my discontent seems to have grown from the following: I have always thought that you could only feel the spirit and listen to it's promptings when things were quiet and reverent. In fact, it is A way to feel the spirit, and maybe the best, but I got so discouraged with the constant chaos that small children bring, that I had finally fallen into hopelessness of ever having a quiet, reverent house and maybe not feeling the spirit again until all the children had moved out. The fact is, scripturally, direction has been given and the spirit felt when the individual sought God and was peaceful enough to hear the response, not necessarily when all around them was calm and at peace. I think of times of war and times of dissension when, surely, leaders have needed the guidance of the spirit. In fact, it is very rare that we can completely control our outward environment, and sometimes we can not leave to find a more peaceful setting. I have learned that if within myself I can be at peace, then I can feel the spirit - and more inspiring to me still, that I don't have to be perfect to be able to hear it's sweet call.
*Last, and a much needed relief - our dishwasher has been leaving our dishes dirty. Switching mind-frames in the middle of other things going on, to now needing to hand-wash dishes didn't go so well and the dishes started to pile up. A wonderful friend came over and casually made the comment, run vinegar through it!
I did.
It washes dishes again and now I make it a point to put vinegar in as a rinse aid for every load.
Little blessings, constant learning, and most of all, faith in my Savior now and in his love, and hope for eternal happiness. These constitute some of the best things in my life right now. Still so much to learn and so much growing to do. No wonder we are told to judge on intention, rather than actions. I hope I can be judged with such mercy. Heaven knows I need it.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Lepers
I came to a startling realization today. I am the other 9 lepers.
In the story of the 10 lepers. Christ heals all of them and 9, in great joy run off to show friends and family the great miracle that has occurred to them. As Emily Freeman says in "21 Days Closer to Christ" - one only, a Samaritan, stood still - amazed at what had happened and then went to the Savior and fell on his face before Him.
I believe I have lived my life joyously grateful for the miraculous blessings in my life, but then I'm afraid I have not taken too much thought to rushing back to my life. Yay! I was saved from THAT inconvenience, whew - now, where was I at ...
And Christ, in his merciful, loving way, has still blessed me over and over again.
But now, when there is a blessing, I want to stop, and come closer to my Savior. I want to really know where that blessing comes from and know the power that wrought it. I want to take the time to bow before Him and declare my love and gratitude. I don't just want to thank Him in a rushed prayer and rush back to the world, I want to figuratively sit at the feet of He who has power to save and learn His doctrine, hear His words, feel His love, and KNOW Him.
"Savior, may I learn to love thee, walk the path that thou has shown ..." (Lord, I would follow Thee, Hymn 220)
This, to know my God, THIS is the ultimate worthwhile.
In the story of the 10 lepers. Christ heals all of them and 9, in great joy run off to show friends and family the great miracle that has occurred to them. As Emily Freeman says in "21 Days Closer to Christ" - one only, a Samaritan, stood still - amazed at what had happened and then went to the Savior and fell on his face before Him.
I believe I have lived my life joyously grateful for the miraculous blessings in my life, but then I'm afraid I have not taken too much thought to rushing back to my life. Yay! I was saved from THAT inconvenience, whew - now, where was I at ...
And Christ, in his merciful, loving way, has still blessed me over and over again.
But now, when there is a blessing, I want to stop, and come closer to my Savior. I want to really know where that blessing comes from and know the power that wrought it. I want to take the time to bow before Him and declare my love and gratitude. I don't just want to thank Him in a rushed prayer and rush back to the world, I want to figuratively sit at the feet of He who has power to save and learn His doctrine, hear His words, feel His love, and KNOW Him.
"Savior, may I learn to love thee, walk the path that thou has shown ..." (Lord, I would follow Thee, Hymn 220)
This, to know my God, THIS is the ultimate worthwhile.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Today's Worthwhiles
Just a list of today's worthwhiles:
*Scriptures - I'm slowing down on my reading and need to ramp it up again.
*sleep - actually, didn't get much last night - boy up with an earache, but what I got I was so grateful for today. Funny thing, before I went to bed last night I set my alarm for 5:30a. I've been slowly feeling like I am getting my feet back under me, so I thought I'd take a stab at my 'used-to-be-normal' early wake-up time. Being in that mindset made getting up three times during the night much easier to handle. I was actually really amazed that I didn't feel at all upset or groggy as I wandered around the darkened house fetching warm-packs, tylenol, drinks, and thermometers.
*the testimony of Rachel Barkey, who, even though she passed away from cancer in 2009 was able to remind me that the most important thing is my relationship with my Savior and to live my life 'serving with joy'.
*A wonderful, patient husband. As I'm typing this I hear him at the table working with our daughter on school concepts. I know that he realizes that he needs to get up at 4:30a to teach, but there he is still, so focused on helping our daughter to understand.
*Wind. Representation of the presence of God.
*Scriptures - I'm slowing down on my reading and need to ramp it up again.
*sleep - actually, didn't get much last night - boy up with an earache, but what I got I was so grateful for today. Funny thing, before I went to bed last night I set my alarm for 5:30a. I've been slowly feeling like I am getting my feet back under me, so I thought I'd take a stab at my 'used-to-be-normal' early wake-up time. Being in that mindset made getting up three times during the night much easier to handle. I was actually really amazed that I didn't feel at all upset or groggy as I wandered around the darkened house fetching warm-packs, tylenol, drinks, and thermometers.
*the testimony of Rachel Barkey, who, even though she passed away from cancer in 2009 was able to remind me that the most important thing is my relationship with my Savior and to live my life 'serving with joy'.
*A wonderful, patient husband. As I'm typing this I hear him at the table working with our daughter on school concepts. I know that he realizes that he needs to get up at 4:30a to teach, but there he is still, so focused on helping our daughter to understand.
*Wind. Representation of the presence of God.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Stay close
I went to COSTCO today with all 4 kids. As we left with our over-filled cart, my children started acting in the oddest ways. They are usually so good about looking before going in the street, but my 4 year old especially just wasn't getting it today. The only thing that went through my mind was 'Stay close!'. I knew that no matter how distracted they were being, if they just stayed close they would be okay - especially if I could get them to hold to the side of the basket.
It has been made very apparent to me today with reading some talks, specifically Julie B. Beck's October conference talk for the RS meeting as well as Barbara Thompson's, that God is constantly warning us to 'stay close'. Vital and simple things like reading scriptures and saying prayers are so easily neglected, when, even if other parts of our lives aren't in order, they are the things that will keep us safe. The very strength each of us seek to address daily concerns, temptations, and personal tragedies comes from staying close to the Savior. He stands taller than us. He sees beyond our sight. Best of all, He loves us and wants us to be safe, to have peace, to be happy.
Someone I love very much once said, "Pray, because it brings you back to God, read your scriptures because they are the answer to your prayers, and smile, because you know what's going on."
In a nutshell - I guess my goal for my life really is to 'stay close'. I pray my children will do the same. "Keep the commandments, keep the commandments, in this there is safety, in this there is peace..." (Hymn 303)
It has been made very apparent to me today with reading some talks, specifically Julie B. Beck's October conference talk for the RS meeting as well as Barbara Thompson's, that God is constantly warning us to 'stay close'. Vital and simple things like reading scriptures and saying prayers are so easily neglected, when, even if other parts of our lives aren't in order, they are the things that will keep us safe. The very strength each of us seek to address daily concerns, temptations, and personal tragedies comes from staying close to the Savior. He stands taller than us. He sees beyond our sight. Best of all, He loves us and wants us to be safe, to have peace, to be happy.
Someone I love very much once said, "Pray, because it brings you back to God, read your scriptures because they are the answer to your prayers, and smile, because you know what's going on."
In a nutshell - I guess my goal for my life really is to 'stay close'. I pray my children will do the same. "Keep the commandments, keep the commandments, in this there is safety, in this there is peace..." (Hymn 303)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Something in the sink ... smells
I am in a mood to be really honest. This usually happens when I'm really tired or sick. The funny thing is, when I'm sick or tired enough to have no fear of complete disclosure, it usually means that my perspective on reality is skewed - so what I disclose to you might not actually be accurate. What is even funnier, is that I am usually pretty honest anyway and only seem to think that I am not completely forthcoming when I am sick or tired.
Having said that. There are so many that are really really sick right now. I am not one of them. I am just sick. In fact, even though I can tell I am sick, I'm actually doing alright. BUT, something in my sink smells. I mean, like I thought Rebecca was poopy kind of smell. I think I'm going to have to make that my one thing for the day. Oh, my poor house and kids. Someday we'll all be feeling better again. There will be plenty of time to worry about dishes and laundry.
Now, a moment for worthwhiles.
*scriptures - reading in Nephi, after he had seen the vision of the tree of life, he rested before he dealt with his brothers contention and taught them. It's okay to rest when needed.
*prayer - feeling God accepts your offering of time and energy in the service of others is the best kind of validation. Especially when one is feeling under the weather.
*The Holy Ghost - Knowing that if something is really important, it will be brought to your mind, when living in a way to feel the promptings of the spirit, is such a relief to someone who, like me, struggles to remember things. Of course, I have to do my part to not overbook and also keep track of things myself.
*Eliza R. Snow. R stands for Roxey, if you didn't know. I didn't, but have enjoyed finding out more about this wonderful woman.
*A plethera of paper products. I love paper towels, toilet paper, kleenex, just about anything I can clean with and then throw away. Not to say that a good dish towel isn't absolutely necessary.
Praying we can all get over these colds and flus - that we can all learn the humility, or gain the blessings of service, or whatever the reasons for them, so we can all get back on our feet and go forward, seeking to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27)!
Having said that. There are so many that are really really sick right now. I am not one of them. I am just sick. In fact, even though I can tell I am sick, I'm actually doing alright. BUT, something in my sink smells. I mean, like I thought Rebecca was poopy kind of smell. I think I'm going to have to make that my one thing for the day. Oh, my poor house and kids. Someday we'll all be feeling better again. There will be plenty of time to worry about dishes and laundry.
Now, a moment for worthwhiles.
*scriptures - reading in Nephi, after he had seen the vision of the tree of life, he rested before he dealt with his brothers contention and taught them. It's okay to rest when needed.
*prayer - feeling God accepts your offering of time and energy in the service of others is the best kind of validation. Especially when one is feeling under the weather.
*The Holy Ghost - Knowing that if something is really important, it will be brought to your mind, when living in a way to feel the promptings of the spirit, is such a relief to someone who, like me, struggles to remember things. Of course, I have to do my part to not overbook and also keep track of things myself.
*Eliza R. Snow. R stands for Roxey, if you didn't know. I didn't, but have enjoyed finding out more about this wonderful woman.
*A plethera of paper products. I love paper towels, toilet paper, kleenex, just about anything I can clean with and then throw away. Not to say that a good dish towel isn't absolutely necessary.
Praying we can all get over these colds and flus - that we can all learn the humility, or gain the blessings of service, or whatever the reasons for them, so we can all get back on our feet and go forward, seeking to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27)!
Monday, January 31, 2011
LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Library of the Lord
Came across this while browsing the lds.org site and looking for better choices in spending my time. I really feel a need to be constantly prepared for inspiration right now. (Something we refer to a lot to in the "Mormon" church as promptings, personal revelation, or the spirit, as we believe it is the "Holy Ghost", that is behind inspiration.) I need it in the calling, or assignment, that I have right now in my church, as well as in my family. I've felt this need before and have always received the help I've needed as I've made changes in my life to better be prepared to hear and follow these promptings.
Don't be so surprised - I always knew I needed help. (And professional help at that.)
LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Library of the Lord - Boyd K. Packer in a May 1990 Ensign article. (LDS church monthly publication that includes messages of various topics from modern-day prophets and apostles among others.)
Don't be so surprised - I always knew I needed help. (And professional help at that.)
LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Library of the Lord - Boyd K. Packer in a May 1990 Ensign article. (LDS church monthly publication that includes messages of various topics from modern-day prophets and apostles among others.)
Data is a little outdated =P, but a MEGA worthwhile. This changed my whole outlook on what my library should look like. What a joy and privilege to study the word of God!
Since the time of this article in 1990 many additional translations have been completed of the Book of Mormon, audio and visual resources have been made available through the church's website (which has been running for about 5 years now), and additional sites have been launched, such as mormon.org, familysearch.org, providentliving.org and mormonchannel.org, which is also a youtube channel, containing short instructional and inspirational videos called "Mormon Messages".
Currently 90 languages are represented from the lds.org website with content ranging from audio files to printable conference addresses and scriptures in those languages. As of June 2010, the Book of Mormon had been published in 107 languages.
Don't have time to keep going, but wow. What a sense of gratitude I feel right now.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Week in review
Monday - My daughter gave one of her first solo Family Home Evening lessons. She planned the lesson and gave assignments for scripture, prayers, song, and treat. The lesson topic she chose was preparing to go on a mission. It was a commendable effort, but next time I think she'll read the scriptures she has chosen before she asks others to read them mid-lesson. I had great difficulty not showing my amusement when my husband was given the assignment to read 1 Nephi 22:13. But the lesson did afford some really good discussion.
Tuesday - Had a very early morning/late Monday night picking up a good friend's son from the airport. Just FYI - if traffic is bad getting to the airport, try around 1am, it is much better then.
Wednesday - Not a fun day. We had Rebecca's first, and Joseph's second Cystic Fibrosis clinic. I need to keep remembering that we are very very blessed that they are so healthy. We get to find out in a couple of weeks that our two other children do not have CF (hopefully). I am so grateful that my sister was able to take my 4 year old so he didn't have to sit through a 4 hour appointment. I am also grateful that Joseph's lung test actually came out better this year than last. Now, if we wouldn't have had to go and get their blood drawn for their annual labs, the day might not have been so hard - but the technician had great difficulty in drawing Rebecca's blood. Pediatric phlebotomist is definitely NOT on my wish list of occupations. Ever. 4 pokes, two arms, and one blown vein later, all but two of the vials they needed were finally filled and the tech. called it quits. Rebecca recovered pretty quickly, her mommy, not so much.
Thursday - Sang with our church choir again after a couple weeks break. It was amazing. I can't wait until my sister can rejoin the choir and we can share the experience again.
Friday - ah, today. What can I say about today, but that I feel blessed that we have been kept safe and healthy through another week. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the prayers that have been answered. This week I have learned that I need to allow that Joseph and Rebecca having Cystic Fibrosis is a reality that I can not wish away. I need to accept it for what it is and what it means for our family, be grateful that it is not what so many others with this disease have to deal with, and then move on and keep my emotions in check. It does no good to get emotional. My kids need me to show them through my example that this is no big deal, or at least, that with God, it doesn't have to be.
When the technician asked me what the kids were getting blood drawn for and I told her CF, she looked me in the eye and told me God gave strong parents to these kids. I hope she's right.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Church!
Wow - amazing worthwhile in the works. Yes, believe it or not, I'm talking about 1pm meeting times for church. I never liked late afternoon meetings. I (used to) like getting meetings out of the way early in the morning so I could start ticking off my to-do lists, but I have to say that today was fabulous.
We slept in - which proved to be a merciful blessing for Ryan who had another migraine (pretty standard practice for him), and then I had all morning to prepare myself and the kids for church. Mostly, I loved being able to start my fast and then spend time thinking about the Savior and his power to answer prayers before even leaving for church. (Fasting for two meals being part of our worship the first Sunday of each month, the unused food goes to those without.) I just felt so much more prepared to feel the spirit. The meetings have also been switched around so that the 3-hour block for our congregation now starts with the separate men's/women's classes first, then the joint men's/women's class and then sacrament with the whole family. This can be very difficult with younger kids, but there are merits as well. I found as I studied scripture with first, my ward sisters and then with all of the adults, I felt much closer to those with whom I was going to partake of the sacrament. This was especially poignant to me as this Sunday, being fast Sunday, was also testimony meeting, where members of the congregation can stand and bear witness to truths of church doctrine as they've experienced them in their lives. I felt more love and compassion to those I was worshipping with in that last hour than I had before in similar meetings.
I also loved that I was taking the sacrament and renewing my covenants to remember Christ after having just left two wonderful lessons - one on faith in Christ, and the other on events in Christ's life.
Yep, rail all you want - I may have been tempted to join you in the past - but I'm loving the late meeting schedule! Can't wait to go back next week!
We slept in - which proved to be a merciful blessing for Ryan who had another migraine (pretty standard practice for him), and then I had all morning to prepare myself and the kids for church. Mostly, I loved being able to start my fast and then spend time thinking about the Savior and his power to answer prayers before even leaving for church. (Fasting for two meals being part of our worship the first Sunday of each month, the unused food goes to those without.) I just felt so much more prepared to feel the spirit. The meetings have also been switched around so that the 3-hour block for our congregation now starts with the separate men's/women's classes first, then the joint men's/women's class and then sacrament with the whole family. This can be very difficult with younger kids, but there are merits as well. I found as I studied scripture with first, my ward sisters and then with all of the adults, I felt much closer to those with whom I was going to partake of the sacrament. This was especially poignant to me as this Sunday, being fast Sunday, was also testimony meeting, where members of the congregation can stand and bear witness to truths of church doctrine as they've experienced them in their lives. I felt more love and compassion to those I was worshipping with in that last hour than I had before in similar meetings.
I also loved that I was taking the sacrament and renewing my covenants to remember Christ after having just left two wonderful lessons - one on faith in Christ, and the other on events in Christ's life.
Yep, rail all you want - I may have been tempted to join you in the past - but I'm loving the late meeting schedule! Can't wait to go back next week!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I saw God today
Heard this song today on the radio. It talked about seeing God in everything around you, in the miracle of birth, in nature, in those we love.
I think I love this song.
It's not new apparently, but I'd never heard it. I love the message. You can listen to it here, it's George Strait's "I Saw God Today".
I take things for granted so often, and am so much happier when I remember my blessings and who they are from.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the sunshine today, for my children, for the safety and security of my home. Thank you for our health. Thank you for the beauty of the mountains. Some may say it's corny - but the promise to be able to see God is biblical. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Matthew 5:8
I never considered that a possible fulfillment of this promise would be to the one who could see God in everything around them.
This is a promise I want to take part in.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Seeking
A list of things I am seeking for a better solution for. Feel free to comment if you've found something that works for you or know of some hidden tip or trick.
*Teaching a very intelligent child who has great difficulty learning. My wonderful husband spent over an hour today re-teaching our wonderful 3rd grader, who we love very much but are a little exasperated with, the city that she lives in and the difference between city, state, country, and continent. Yes, we've had her tested with child find and no learning disability was found, but she still has major difficulty with basic definitions. (Before, after, etc...)
*Walking in the morning. It is my lifeline to not hurting, but it is too cold outside to do anymore. What are some of the best indoor workouts or should I just give in and buy some serious winter-wear?
*Dealing with another teacher who doesn't take the time to include us as parents even though we have made ourselves completely available. My child wastes an entire day not doing work because you can't find a way to entice her to get to it and are afraid to make her accountable and I'm not even notified? Bursting into the school swearing doesn't seem like the best way to handle said situation.
One thing I did learn a trick to that has NOTHING to do with the above (Let me emphasize nothing at all, and some could say it's on the superficial side of things. Of course, this blog isn't just about a spiritual journey...) - if you can't ever make your long hair stay un-tangled, try using shampoo just on the scalp, conditioner just on the length below the neck, and end with a cool rinse. Brush at night and don't wash every day. Found this little trick recently and wish I would have known about it during high school. Loved having long hair, hated that it was a pain in the tuckus.
Highlight to my day was, of course, scripture reading. Major focus is still seeking to have a better relationship with my Savior. This is what establishes my hope and my sanity. I'm so grateful for faith in a being so much more powerful than I, one that is merciful and loving. I'm grateful for faith in a perspective so far beyond my own that gives reason and order to a sometimes chaotic life. Emily Freeman said of hope: "There is a moment of epiphany after the soul has doubted all it knows, when it begins to reach out for solid answers and firm ground. This moment is defined by one emotion that sustains and creates a desire for change. Before faith or knowledge is found, before joy or happiness is experienced, before the healing begins, one emotion starts to stir from deep within the depths of despair. It is hope." (21 Days Closer to Christ) Hope is a definite worthwhile.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
In 1980, Spencer W. Kimball, then-president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints made the following comments:
"Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are “made up” for a public performance... The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative."
I love this quote. I was given a journal when I was about 13 where this was written inside the front cover and it has been a great guide for me in keeping my journals. I can't help but think that it also has applications to the daily and more public communications we keep online in the form of blogs, tweets, status', and so on.
I hope in writing in this blog I have not led anyone to think that I am perfect, or that I have any illusion to being perfect. I have been brought to my knees, on many occasions in tears, over a wealth of personal pitfalls and imperfections. I am sure that many who associate with me have seen how very human and imperfect I am. I get tired, angry, sad, overly emotional... I don't know anyone traveling through this mortal experience who hasn't. After all, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience." (Teilhard de Chardin - I always wondered who originally wrote that)
So, I hope this blog is uplifting. The point of it really is that through all of the struggles, through all the ad-libbed, messy strife of mortality, there is much that is of worth, beautiful, inspirational, uplifting ... to quote again, "virtuous, lovely, of good report, praiseworthy." (13th Article of Faith)
Today, my worthwhiles have been,
*Continued reading in the scriptures (Found them!!!)
*Red-headed baby smiles
*Little acts of service (Really little. We're talking doing an extra load of laundry, praying for a friend in need, and making a healthy lunch for the kids. Don't think I'm holding back, this might very well be my full list of 'got dones' today!)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Worthwhiles
Okay,
So, today has flown and I only have a moment before I need to take my child out of the soak cycle on the bathtub. Boys get so dirty.
Worthwhiles:
*Morning walks! It's been a long time since I have been able to arrange for the time to take a walk. I tried doing it with the kids, but somehow it lost it's relaxing quality when they joined me. This morning I even sang some of my favorite songs while walking, I figure they have you do it in bootcamp, so it must help with the cardio or something.
*Rosemary! I asked for and was given some rosemary today by a neighbor. I have planted two sprigs with roots in two different places and hopefully one of them will take. This is my second edible plant that I'm growing. Planting my left over green onions from the store was my first and they are doing great! Does it say something about you if all you can grow is onions??
*Language! Rebecca has found a way to communicate with me when she is hungry. I always sign and say 'food' to her when feed her. Now she takes my hand off my mouth and touches my lips with her hand - then says 'dada' - which is still her only consistent word, opens her mouth and waits in expectation for something, anything to be inserted. This makes me so happy.
*Friends! I can't find my Book of Mormon, and this has left me very sad the last couple of days. This morning I was really missing the boost of happiness that daily reading gives me. (yes, I could look up the scriptures online, but it's not the same as opening your worn, marked, loved book.) This morning, I ran into a friendly neighbor with whom I have discussed gardening on occasion and she provided not only good cheer, but also a profound spiritual directive. She's not 'mormon', but she had a firm belief in the power of positive thinking and shared her conviction with me. What a joy to have friendship. What a blessing!
So, today has flown and I only have a moment before I need to take my child out of the soak cycle on the bathtub. Boys get so dirty.
Worthwhiles:
*Morning walks! It's been a long time since I have been able to arrange for the time to take a walk. I tried doing it with the kids, but somehow it lost it's relaxing quality when they joined me. This morning I even sang some of my favorite songs while walking, I figure they have you do it in bootcamp, so it must help with the cardio or something.
*Rosemary! I asked for and was given some rosemary today by a neighbor. I have planted two sprigs with roots in two different places and hopefully one of them will take. This is my second edible plant that I'm growing. Planting my left over green onions from the store was my first and they are doing great! Does it say something about you if all you can grow is onions??
*Language! Rebecca has found a way to communicate with me when she is hungry. I always sign and say 'food' to her when feed her. Now she takes my hand off my mouth and touches my lips with her hand - then says 'dada' - which is still her only consistent word, opens her mouth and waits in expectation for something, anything to be inserted. This makes me so happy.
*Friends! I can't find my Book of Mormon, and this has left me very sad the last couple of days. This morning I was really missing the boost of happiness that daily reading gives me. (yes, I could look up the scriptures online, but it's not the same as opening your worn, marked, loved book.) This morning, I ran into a friendly neighbor with whom I have discussed gardening on occasion and she provided not only good cheer, but also a profound spiritual directive. She's not 'mormon', but she had a firm belief in the power of positive thinking and shared her conviction with me. What a joy to have friendship. What a blessing!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Freedom to fail
I am constantly learning. I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I stop and sigh and say to myself, "Well, I've arrived!" - at perfection, at total confidence, you name it. I am a work in progress.
So, I decided not too long ago, that I'm going to give myself the freedom to fail. I have done this on brief occasions in the past, which has given me some interesting experiences, including some spectacular failures, but also some really fantastic successes. I think the thing I've gained most from these leaps into the unknown is the courage to do it again. And again. And again. And, yes, if needs be, that one more time until I've achieved some measure of success, or at least experience in the area I'm pursuing. Many dead plants attest to this, my determination, in the area of gardening.
Thank heavens children are a little more hardy than some plants, because this determination is essential in the area of parenting, where you really can't just 'give up', decide it was all a bad idea, and put the kid back where it came from.
Singing has been another of these experiences for me. I was not a singer to begin with - although I've always loved music. My sister, however, was. And worse for me, she decided early on that she couldn't sing alone. So I became the hesitant counterpart to all her musical schemes. This involved weekly showcases in which she would sing with confidence, and I would hold her hand, shaking like a leaf, eeking out my part in the softest voice I could produce. Her ambition graduated from talent shows for our family, all the way to aspirations for a national-selling cd.
Through the years, I worked and worked to live up to her faith in me. I studied music theory, I sang and sang in public, hoping that someday I could do it with a little more of my natural verbrato, rather than the violent shaking that accompanied all of these attempts. Although I continued to sing, I almost gave up hope of ever having the poise that I saw in so many other performers.
Painfully clear are my memories of those moments when I took leaps of faith I found were beyond my power to clear. I remember one performance specifically when my part required a rather difficult vocal jump to a relatively high note. I had practiced so hard to get through that passage with ease, ah, but alas, in the moment, a note that I didn't recognize, and one that startled my sister enough to make her physically jump beside me, exited my mouth.
I could have died.
Unfortunately, I thought at the time, I didn't. Somehow I survived the experience and have even been asked since to sing in public. Shocking, I know.
Fast forward to this last weekend. A lifetime of effort paid off in a wonderful success. One I know I could never have had without all of the hills and valleys in my musical journey. I have noticed myself becoming more confident, mostly in the last, oh, I don't know, 4 years or so. It has been gradual. But I sing in a choir where this gradual confidence, and a desire to stretch myself, landed me in the higher, soprano section. This choir often sings music that requires the soprano section to split, some singing a higher, and some a lower note. I always have sung the lower note. This weekend, I was asked to fill in for another choir member who was ill and take the soprano 1 part instead. I agreed to try my best. The success? A high b (yes, above the staff!) was achieved without anyone jumping in surprise next to me. The point? If I can do that, anything is possible, for you and for me.
In the scriptures it talks about faith. It talks about having to wait "by and by" to see the results of faith. You can bet I was praying this last weekend, and every time I stood up to sing in the past. I feel that this has been a journey of faith. Not just faith in God and His goodness, but faith in the good things I could do with His help.
So, keep failing - I mean, trying! "Never give up, never surrender!" (Galaxy Quest - all in all, a good watch.)
So, I decided not too long ago, that I'm going to give myself the freedom to fail. I have done this on brief occasions in the past, which has given me some interesting experiences, including some spectacular failures, but also some really fantastic successes. I think the thing I've gained most from these leaps into the unknown is the courage to do it again. And again. And again. And, yes, if needs be, that one more time until I've achieved some measure of success, or at least experience in the area I'm pursuing. Many dead plants attest to this, my determination, in the area of gardening.
Thank heavens children are a little more hardy than some plants, because this determination is essential in the area of parenting, where you really can't just 'give up', decide it was all a bad idea, and put the kid back where it came from.
Singing has been another of these experiences for me. I was not a singer to begin with - although I've always loved music. My sister, however, was. And worse for me, she decided early on that she couldn't sing alone. So I became the hesitant counterpart to all her musical schemes. This involved weekly showcases in which she would sing with confidence, and I would hold her hand, shaking like a leaf, eeking out my part in the softest voice I could produce. Her ambition graduated from talent shows for our family, all the way to aspirations for a national-selling cd.
Through the years, I worked and worked to live up to her faith in me. I studied music theory, I sang and sang in public, hoping that someday I could do it with a little more of my natural verbrato, rather than the violent shaking that accompanied all of these attempts. Although I continued to sing, I almost gave up hope of ever having the poise that I saw in so many other performers.
Painfully clear are my memories of those moments when I took leaps of faith I found were beyond my power to clear. I remember one performance specifically when my part required a rather difficult vocal jump to a relatively high note. I had practiced so hard to get through that passage with ease, ah, but alas, in the moment, a note that I didn't recognize, and one that startled my sister enough to make her physically jump beside me, exited my mouth.
I could have died.
Unfortunately, I thought at the time, I didn't. Somehow I survived the experience and have even been asked since to sing in public. Shocking, I know.
Fast forward to this last weekend. A lifetime of effort paid off in a wonderful success. One I know I could never have had without all of the hills and valleys in my musical journey. I have noticed myself becoming more confident, mostly in the last, oh, I don't know, 4 years or so. It has been gradual. But I sing in a choir where this gradual confidence, and a desire to stretch myself, landed me in the higher, soprano section. This choir often sings music that requires the soprano section to split, some singing a higher, and some a lower note. I always have sung the lower note. This weekend, I was asked to fill in for another choir member who was ill and take the soprano 1 part instead. I agreed to try my best. The success? A high b (yes, above the staff!) was achieved without anyone jumping in surprise next to me. The point? If I can do that, anything is possible, for you and for me.
In the scriptures it talks about faith. It talks about having to wait "by and by" to see the results of faith. You can bet I was praying this last weekend, and every time I stood up to sing in the past. I feel that this has been a journey of faith. Not just faith in God and His goodness, but faith in the good things I could do with His help.
So, keep failing - I mean, trying! "Never give up, never surrender!" (Galaxy Quest - all in all, a good watch.)
Friday, November 5, 2010
A new day
Today was nothing like yesterday. This happens to me sometimes.
At times like these, I have to look for my worthwhiles in the hidden, and yet more obvious places. I should explain. Everyone has things that challenge them to look a little harder for the good. I think this gives one the opportunity to choose, to define, who they want to be. There's one worthwhile right there, I guess. The ability to excercise my power to choose who I am and who I will become. But anyway, one of my challenges is fibromyalgia. This means that when I don't get enough rest I start to hurt. Everywhere. For those of you who deal with the daily physical drain of pain, you know what I mean, and it can sure put a damper on your day. Because this is something I have experienced from as young as I can remember, I think it is probably easier on me than on some. I also know that there are those who suffer so much worse pain than I experience, and on a much more constant basis. To those of you who suffer with physical pain, I am so sorry. I know how hard it is.
BUT, the good things are still there! A couple for my list today:
*running water - my 8 month old ADORES her bath
*beautiful music - I highly recommend Jon Schmidt, his music is very relaxing (Especially his Christmas cd. To the Summit is good too. Waterfall is fantastic, but not in the relaxing category necessarily.)
*scriptures - always little insights that help you know God is there
*toilet paper - I mean really, where would we be without it? And so nice to have a nice big supply for potty-training. (Which never ends, don't let them tell you differently...)
At times like these, I have to look for my worthwhiles in the hidden, and yet more obvious places. I should explain. Everyone has things that challenge them to look a little harder for the good. I think this gives one the opportunity to choose, to define, who they want to be. There's one worthwhile right there, I guess. The ability to excercise my power to choose who I am and who I will become. But anyway, one of my challenges is fibromyalgia. This means that when I don't get enough rest I start to hurt. Everywhere. For those of you who deal with the daily physical drain of pain, you know what I mean, and it can sure put a damper on your day. Because this is something I have experienced from as young as I can remember, I think it is probably easier on me than on some. I also know that there are those who suffer so much worse pain than I experience, and on a much more constant basis. To those of you who suffer with physical pain, I am so sorry. I know how hard it is.
BUT, the good things are still there! A couple for my list today:
*running water - my 8 month old ADORES her bath
*beautiful music - I highly recommend Jon Schmidt, his music is very relaxing (Especially his Christmas cd. To the Summit is good too. Waterfall is fantastic, but not in the relaxing category necessarily.)
*scriptures - always little insights that help you know God is there
*toilet paper - I mean really, where would we be without it? And so nice to have a nice big supply for potty-training. (Which never ends, don't let them tell you differently...)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
What's new
List of 'worthwhiles' for today:
*Taking time to watch the sunrise with my son.
*Helping my husband set up an awesome breakfast for a group of equally awesome seminary students.
*Studying my scriptures to the tune of "21 Days Closer to Christ" and getting blissfully lost in all the linked references. (Something I didn't know before: Jesus is the 'stem of Jesse' spoken of by Isaiah, but the rod spoken of is "a servant" in the hands of Christ. I haven't gone further in my research yet to find out if it refers to a specific servant. - D&C113 had an excellent dialogue on the topic.)
*Cleaning with my contacts out. After being up so early to help with the breakfast, I had every intention of taking a nap so I took out my contacts. I didn't take the nap, but found that cleaning was much less overwhelming when I couldn't see just how much needed to get done.
*Re-looking at Sally DeFord's website. I love her music, but it's been awhile since I had perused the site. I love that she has a blog now and her FAQ page shows off her fun personality. Here's a link to her site if you've never been there: http://www.defordmusic.com/. Thoroughly worthwhile if you're of a musical mindset.
Don't have time for more, but it's been a good day.
*Taking time to watch the sunrise with my son.
*Helping my husband set up an awesome breakfast for a group of equally awesome seminary students.
*Studying my scriptures to the tune of "21 Days Closer to Christ" and getting blissfully lost in all the linked references. (Something I didn't know before: Jesus is the 'stem of Jesse' spoken of by Isaiah, but the rod spoken of is "a servant" in the hands of Christ. I haven't gone further in my research yet to find out if it refers to a specific servant. - D&C113 had an excellent dialogue on the topic.)
*Cleaning with my contacts out. After being up so early to help with the breakfast, I had every intention of taking a nap so I took out my contacts. I didn't take the nap, but found that cleaning was much less overwhelming when I couldn't see just how much needed to get done.
*Re-looking at Sally DeFord's website. I love her music, but it's been awhile since I had perused the site. I love that she has a blog now and her FAQ page shows off her fun personality. Here's a link to her site if you've never been there: http://www.defordmusic.com/. Thoroughly worthwhile if you're of a musical mindset.
Don't have time for more, but it's been a good day.
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